SUDDENLY LOVELY

xs

2012-02-02T09:06:00.001-05:00

Unless you're one of the few New Yorkers who live in real estate heaven - odds are your apartment is smaller than what is deemed appropriate for an average adult. You stay because it's either in an awesome part of town or because somehow you scored an amazing deal. In my case, I love my location. Yes it may seem far uptown to others but I'm between 2 parks and it's quiet and clean. It is however small. Rather than see that negatively, I've actually learned that small isn't always a bad thing.

1. The anti-hoard: That sweater I wore once? Donation box. Those extra heels that hurt but I swear I'm planning on breaking in? Sayonara. I clean out my closet and dresser each season and donate everything that I don't wear or don't plan on wearing to Goodwill. My beauty cabinet is slim as well. Because honestly why do I need 6 half full bottles of lotion when I only really use one.

2. The buy-only-what-you-can-carry: I used to buy vegetables and stock up on soup in college because I figured if it was there I'd have to eat it and skip out on burgers and beers. Wrong. It sat and spoiled before it was eaten. Now I only buy what I know I'll eat that week since my cabinet and fridge space is coveted. No excess buying because 4 blocks and an avenue is too far to haul anymore than you have to. Side note: I once went to BJ's and overbought. Out of stubbornness I walked from the train to my apartment with my groceries. By the time I got to the door I was in tears with welts up my arms from my bags. I learned my lesson nonetheless.

3. Only the useful can stay: You don't need 16 coffee cups, 7 cookies pans and 4 ladles. Living in a small space makes me buy what I need only. On the flip side I spend a little more on that perfect set of gold flecked coffee cups (thanks Dani) than normal since I can only have 2 and not 6.

All-in-all I feel that living smaller brings quality over quantity. Since it's just me I can easily get by on my weekly trip to the market, 2 perfect coffee cups and a simple wardrobe. One things I refuse to skimp on are pillows - the more the merrier and with that said, time to get up and get going.

don't stay

2012-01-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

I don't like when you stay here.

I don't like that you take up more than your half of the bed. That you use pillows that are are not for sleeping but for decorating. That you kick the covers off and I have to drag them back onto the bed 10 times over.

I don't like that you make my sheets smell like you. The smell that's hardly there but seems to stay for days after you are gone. That when I wake up I feel like I smell more like you than me.

I don't like that I can't move you. Not even an inch. You fall asleep and you are dead weight. That your arms are much too long and that they pull me and tuck me into the position that is comfortable for you. That I become your rag doll and that you drag me from one half of the bed to the other without effort. That if I move an inch away that you pull me two inches closer.

I don't like that you breathe on me when you sleep. That you don't care that you're sometimes so close that I can hardly breathe myself. That your hair gets in my face and that your beard scratches my face and neck.

I don't like when you stay here because I wake up the next three nights thinking you are still here. I don't like it because I don't like when you leave.

luck be a lady

2012-01-17T15:42:00.001-05:00

If you want something to happen and in your favor, is there a certain prayer you say, a special dress you wear, swear that if this one thing happens that you will fulfill a certain promise in return? I have one item that I keep with me for luck. On days where I have a big presentation, somewhere to be or a date to keep, I wear a necklace that holds an emblem of Saint Christopher. Historically this saint holds patronage of things related to travel and travelers.

I'm not a religious person but I do believe in karma and luck. I understand fully that my necklace isn't a safeguard against any sort of mishaps and misfortunes but it has become something that takes the edge off days where I know I have a zillion things to do and places to be. Smaller than a dime, hanging from a thin silver chain, it gives me confidence and ease to not worry and let things just take their course and hopefully bring me a little bit of luck when I hit a bump in the road.

sticks and stones

2012-01-13T19:39:00.000-05:00

The moment before you know pain will hit. Your heart quickens, every muscle in your body tenses up, you can hear your pulse in your ears, you feel it in your throat. Adrenaline kicks in and you feel a rush to the head, a flip to your stomach. You close your eyes and you wait.

It hits. It's horrendous. It's the worst pain you've felt in your entire life and you are sure that this is the most pain you will ever feel. You're flooded with emotions of fear and agony. You yell, you scream, moan, shout, cry, sob, anything to release the tension that filled your muscles moments before and fills your body now with pain.

You breathe, you react, you act. You analyze the damage. You put yourself through an instant physical and mental pop quiz. Where am I, who am I, can I hear, see, taste, count to 10. Flex your fingers, flex your toes, work into the center of your body from the furthest points. Wrists and ankles, elbows and knees, hips and shoulders, head and heart. And suddenly you begin to search for a solution to end the pain or subdue it.

Slow down.

Haven't you already began to forget about the initial pain? The first hit that knocked the wind out of you and why you tensed up in the first place. Why is it that only moments after pain subsides that our minds, our bodies, begin to forget the sensation of pain? Is it in fact a "mind over matter" type of situation where instantly we move mentally to the furthest point away from the pain? Do those with a greater pain index just have the ability to get to that point in our minds more quickly than others? Do some stay in the place where pain resonates longer?

I am both agile and clumsy. I can walk up to you without you noticing because my feet barely make any sound but as I'm walking the chance of me first clipping my elbow on a door frame or twisting my ankle are more than likely. I am emotionally balanced in the same way. I am stubborn yet sensitive. You can challenge my beliefs and question my intentions but look at me wrong and it's o-v-e-r. I have gotten myself to a point where I feel I am able to recover more quickly from physical pain. Most of it has to do with moving away from home and having to deal with incidents with responsibility because no one else is there if I have a meltdown. I need to get myself to the point where I analyze the damage quicker so that no further pain ensues. Here's where I struggle though, I am unable to get myself to a point where I recover from emotional pain. My odds on a broken bone and a broken heart are on the bone. I will be able to forget the physical pain quickly but the emotional pain will pull me down, toss me back up and fill me with anxiety and sobering distress. I remember my parents reminding me that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" in middle school when I was having a hard time dealing with your typical mean girl hell. I remember looking at them and wanting to call their bullshit. I am strong enough for sticks and stones, it's words that go straight through me.

something on your face

2012-01-10T16:53:00.000-05:00

One of the most vivid memories from my childhood is of my mom putting makeup on me for my ballet rehearsals. I remember the blush, the subtle eye shadow, a little lipstick and most of all, the cat-eye liner. I remember looking in a mirror thinking that this is how ladies should look. This is how I should look. It isn't much of a surprise that 20-some years later that I end up in the beauty industry.

I've tried most looks and trends but always come back to the classic look that was established by my mom many years ago. I've found a collection of products and brands that are my go-to. I defend my spending since I am not a clothes or shoes type of girl but rather a beauty junkie. Instead of purchasing many different products to figure out what I love, I've learned to ask for samples. Out of all those samples there are 6 products that I use daily. Clockwise: MOR Lip Macaron, Chanel Eyeshadow, NARS Lip Pencil, Clinque Eyeliner, Dior Mascara and Benefit High Beam

do the macaroni

2012-01-09T10:47:00.001-05:00

Perfect for a cool day or just a day where you need some comfort in the form of food. This simple recipe was easy, quick and delish. We haven't had the coldest winter (thus far anyway) but that's no reason to not enjoy winter-like food. Enjoy.

cheesy baked pasta with spinach and artichokes
real simple magazine, april 2012

serves 4

8 ounces mezzi rigatoni or some other short pasta (1/2 box)
1 14-ounce can artichoke hearts, rinsed and quartered
1 9-ounce package of frozen creamed spinach, thawed
1/4 cup grated parmesan (1 ounce)
2 cups grated mozzarella (8 ounces)
black pepper and salt to taste

Cook the pasta according to the package directions, drain and set in broiler proof baking dish. Add in the artichoke hearts, spinach, parmesan, half the mozzarella, pepper and salt. Toss to combine. Sprinkle the remaining mozzarella on top. Broil until the cheese is browned in spots, 2-3 minutes.

the uncontrol

2012-01-06T13:18:00.000-05:00

Everyone deals with change differently. Some embrace it, some go unfazed and some, like myself, bottle up their anxiety and resistance against it until finally some unlucky soul has to deal with the overflow. There's been so much change lately that I feel like I'm on a moving platform. You know the ones at the airport that allow you to move more quickly to get from gate to gate? I'm constantly hopping from one to another and in the middle when I'm actually on the steady ground I'm left with the feeling that the ground is still moving beneath me.

It began in July with a new job. Not only a new job but a whole other aspect of design. Once that felt semi-manageable, there was the semi-break-up of my quasi-boyfriend. In an emotional cul-de-sac, it mutually ended due to irreconcilable differences. With that change was the friction of friends involved that I didn't see coming. Soon thereafter came the announcement that my fabulous roommate was moving out and moving in with her boyfriend. I straddled a line of being extremely happy for her and extremely anxious over the thought of having to move. Add in November and the holidays to follow. While some begin to play holiday music the day after Halloween, I am one of those that avoids it all together. Your parents tell you that your cat got hit by a car and this is your first Christmas where your sister isn't staying home with you at your parents but rather at her own home. Finally add in meeting someone who for the first time in the longest time makes Miss Control (me) feel completely out of control.

Everything always seems so minuscule once it's over and dealt with. Fears and anxieties fade, plans are set and achieved. To-do lists get made, added to and finally crossed off. Not one to make resolutions that can easily be phased out within a week or even a month I feel that there is one to be made for the year. In most situations I realize that I find myself wanting to control every aspect and the outcome. The truth is I can't control them. I know this yet still I dwell. I dwell on the things I can not control, the people I can not reach, the situations that I can not change. This year and going forward I will keep in mind that what's done is done. The past is the past and while it amounts to the present, it doesn't have to influence it. Sometimes I just have to let go. This is me, letting go little by little. Happy 2012.

what's yours is mine

2011-12-16T22:48:00.000-05:00

In a hurry to get out of the apartment and to the gym before laziness sets in, I quickly nabbed a shirt from my dresser. Halfway down the hall and halfway on my body I realized that it wasn't my shirt. It was mine because it was in my room buried under sweaters and random gym attire but it was more a relic of the past.

More than once I've found items that once belonged to boyfriends. Shirts, socks and/or sweaters show up unannounced and at moments where I'd rather they stay hidden in my drawer. They are those pieces that I used to wear to brunch Sunday when I was too lazy to put on my own tighter, more "fashionable" clothes. Items that smelled familiar and warm. Memories of running to get ice cream in the middle of the night because it went well with the movie we were watching and dressing head to toe in his clothes.

I think one of the most ridiculous things about a breakup is the "getting together of the things." I've always thought to just leave them and forget about it but the thought of me leaving and my things remaining always felt awkward and wrong. I'd rather clear the cabinet out rather than someone else having to. The problem is you can never get rid of it all and much like the memories that remain so does that one shirt that you happen to grab on a day where you already weren't feeling up to par. Well whatever, I put it on anyway and even though it no longer smells like him and all I'm doing is running errands or to the gym at least I know that it still fits and maybe one day I'll return it. But then again, maybe not.

mr. & miss perfect

2011-12-14T23:38:00.000-05:00

Picture your perfect someone. What they look like, how they speak, where they come from, what they do, how they smell, how they address you, how they interact with your friends and most importantly, your family. That person is put in front of you. They come with a full resume of ideas and skills that align with what you imagine to be your perfect match. No bullshit. No games. No second guesses.

They take you to the perfect restaurants. Pull out your chair, order the most delicious wine that compliments both the food, the atmosphere and somehow even your outfit. You do things like sit next to each other rather than across from each other. Something that before doing it yourself you thought was ridiculous but now it's totally grand because your next to your perfect person. You have conversations that lead to similar thoughts and interests of how things should be.

They're casual but confident and they choose you - and you are there faced with the easy task of nodding yes and being with that perfect someone that you've had your eye and heart out for all along. And then you realize that not only did you think up your perfect someone but also your perfect you.

You look down to see that your sock has a hole. Your hair is messy and unkempt from the day. Your nails are chipped. You have days where you'd rather not get out of bed and whole weeks were you struggle to keep it together. You spill things, you drop things...you constantly drop things. You're not perfect. You put so much thought into the perfect someone that you completely forgot that you are not.

I should have fessed up earlier but who doesn't love playing the most perfect rendition of themselves for the most perfect rendition of the one they know. When the shine wore off and the real shone through I wasn't so sure perfect would stick around so I made the choice for them. Who wants to be perfect anyway.

a week in brief

2011-12-08T13:23:00.001-05:00

Stopping in briefly before I head into another meeting. The time between Halloween and New Years always flies by. Hopefully next week will be a little more calm and I can come back and blog about some things I've been thinking about. Here's a quick glimpse though of what I've been drinking, eating, listening to and smelling like. More soon, promise! Start right, top and go clockwise: Bottega Veneta, l'Occitane sheer butter hand cream, Softlips in Vanilla, San Pellegrino Spring Natural Mineral Water, "Sway" by The Kooks, Fage greek yogurt

google it

2011-11-28T15:20:00.001-05:00

I google everything. If I don't know how to spell something, if I am at a fancy restaurant and want to know what the hell cardamom is, if I'm looking for a semi-specific place that's around the corner from that place I went once but don't know the name of. Anything and everything. You type it into the magic box and it appears uncomplicated at your finger tips. It's a blessing and a curse.

I remember arguing with my father about getting a smart phone. "Why do I need the internet on my phone, that's so unnecessary. Can we just pick one and go?" I loathe shopping for phones, it's the one thing that if you ask me to do that can bring me to tears within seconds. But now I realize that a smart phone = google, which means at any time I can figure out where I am in this city and how the hell to get home. I also love after an especially wonderful night out with friends looking back to my google history that has had little gems like "Miss Mary Mack Hand Clap."

Have you ever looking at your google history or tried to record it for the day? It's the most bizarre set of words and when you throw them all together it always sounds awkward and inappropriate. Or maybe that's me...

Today's google items thus far: marlboro, pigeon, fun house, the naked and famous - punching in a dream and prohibition

smoke signals

2011-11-27T00:34:00.001-05:00

I awoke with a thought and part of a dream - what if I sent smoke signals?

I quickly feel back to sleep until my alarm buzzed again. The thought stayed with me throughout the day. A S.O.S. to friends, B.B.L. to roommates, I.L.Y to family and loved ones. But with all that smoke, my signal is sure to get lost and misinterpreted with the signals of others.

How do you signal complicated thoughts and messages? If you had to break down what you were trying to say to another person in the simplest form, would we all be better off? Less beating around the bush and straight to the point? Yes. No. Now. Later. Has making it easier to send messages via phone, text, email, tweet, etc. actually made it harder for us to communicate?

I'm working on simplifying my life. With materials things, with my friendships, relationships, my entire self. Let's get to the point. I can't help feel that with all these complicated signals flying around that I'm losing my message in all the smoke.

november

2011-11-21T13:19:00.001-05:00

Always. Every year I think that I'm going to get through the entire month without falling into a sinkhole of bitterness and angst but November has proven me wrong again. It's been months since I've had the hole-in-my-chest-the-world-is-falling-apart feeling but I awoke with it Saturday night and haven't been able to kick it since. I felt it creeping in last weekend and tried to run it out of my system. 4 days and 20 miles later all I ended up with was extremely sore feet and an absurdly painful calf cramp. I almost made it the entire month. See you in December.

scrumptious scone

2011-11-11T11:43:00.001-05:00

I've been busy catching up on my New York life since I've returned from my month of travels. Playing catch up means that I'm back to cooking and baking, or at least trying to. I'm good at pulling and saving recipes but that's often as far as it goes. This past Sunday I set out to make scones. I'm a breakfast/brunch fanatic so it only seemed fitting to learn how to bake the perfect scone. Originally the recipe came from Epicurious.com. With minor tweaks and a whole lot of mess, my scones came out semi-perfect. It is of my own belief that they would have been 100% perfect if I had more counter space to work in and an oven that wasn't comparable to Barbies. The recipe is below with my added changes. This weekend I hope to try a vanilla, blueberry batch. Cheers!

Lemon Cream Scones
Bon Appétit, May 1996

Ingredients
*revisions/tweaks I made
2 cups all purpose flour
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt
*3/4 cup chopped dried peaches (originally apricots)
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
1 1/4 cups whipping cream
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
*1/2 lemon to squeeze into dough

Preparation
Preheat oven to 425°F. Mix 2 cups flour, 1/4 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon baking powder and 1/2 teaspoon salt in large bowl. Stir in apricots and 1 tablespoon lemon peel. Add whipping cream and stir just until dough forms. This is where I squeezed in some fresh lemon juice to add more lemon flavor. Turn dough out onto lightly floured surface. Knead gently just until dough holds together. Form dough into 10-inch-diameter, 1/2-inch-thick round. Cut into 12 wedges.

Transfer wedges to large baking sheet, spacing evenly. Combine remaining 2 tablespoons sugar and 1 teaspoon lemon peel in small bowl. Brush scones with melted butter. Sprinkle with sugar mixture. Bake scones until light golden brown, about 15 minutes. Transfer to rack and cool slightly. (Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cool completely. Wrap in foil; store at room temperature.) Serve scones warm or at room temperature.

ghouling good

2011-10-31T10:52:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween! I'm wishing everyone tricks and treats from NYC. I spent my weekend in California with both an old and now some new friends. The photo is of myself painted as a sugar skull. I've had an obsession with Día de los Muertos ever since high school. It's a tradition that I wish were celebrated here in the states. Wouldn't it be great to be able to dress up and celebrate the lives of those lost in a colorful, beautiful way? I love that the skulls represent the sweetness of life (sugar) and the sadness in death (skull). A big thanks to Matt for the photo and being the best California guide all weekend.

california dreaming

2011-10-27T17:04:00.001-04:00

I have this idea in my head where I step off a plane and look immaculate. My hair is done, my makeup looks airbrushed, I'm in my suicide shoes (6" pumps) and my essentials are tucked perfectly into a small tote that is tossed ever so easily over my shoulder. I never, ever look like this. Surprisingly I am so excited about leaving for my weekend getaway that I don't have time for nerves yet. I'm more focused on packing and thinking about what I'm going to wear when I arrive to LA. This is my first trip to LA and California in general. Plans are set for food, hiking and a Halloween party and that sounds like a perfect weekend to me.

My imagination has me stepping off the plane and greeted with Katy Perry's "California Girls" and the entire cast from Laguna Beach. I know instead I will be greeted with matted hair, smudged makeup and a too heavy carry-on. Either way, off I go. Happy Halloween! <3

unplugged

2011-10-25T14:37:00.001-04:00

In January I lost my phone. I left it in a bar while out with friends. I was sick of answering texts, set it on our table and slipped into the crowd only to find hours later that I was inconveniently disconnected to the world. I know it sounds dramatic but I had no way to reach my family, friends or the phone provider. I speak to my parents daily and often more than once. I knew that they had probably tried to call and had most likely gotten my voicemail. I had a feeling they were starting to worry. I couldn't contact my friends to see if many one of them grabbed it knowing it was mine before they left. I couldn't contact the phone provider to say my phone was missing and to please disconnect the line so that no one calls Asia or Australia, hacks my email or social media accounts. I promptly signed onto Facebook and twitter and messaged my sister and friends that my phone was gone, I was alive and to contact me by means of my roommate until further notice.

At first, this was such a pain in the ass. I didn't have Facebook at my fingertips. I couldn't tweet annoying things about what I was doing at that moment. I couldn't text anyone that I was running late and that I'd be there soon. What I learned was this; Facebook is a waste of time, twitter doesn't care what you are doing and sending a text for being late is a bad excuse for just taking too long in the shower. I realized that there is something really lovely about being disconnected from everything.

Fast forward to today. It's slow so I am doing minor projects to fill my time until I am briefed on the next project. I refresh my blog stats, my twitter feed, check my phone for texts and I absolutely hate it. I can't stand that I am so plugged in that I rely on these things during the day to keep myself entertained. I recently deactivated my personal Facebook account to help ease myself away from the social media bubble. I can't tell you how much drama that has saved me from in my life. Who cares about who went from in a relationship to single or posted photos from their drunken night out with people you barely know anymore. I know that there are benefits to being always in the loop but sometimes I wish that I weren't at all. That way I couldn't obsess over how many people are reading this post right now, where friends are having lunch via 4square or deciphering tweets and texts. Is it me or are we all just a little too plugged in to what everyone else is up to?

paper makes perfect

2011-10-25T13:01:00.000-04:00

I collect things. One of those things is paper, more specifically notebooks. I buy them and then wait for the perfect project to fill the pages. Finding the perfect notebook for a project is like having a constant good luck charm with me. It sets the tone for what is to come. I am convinced that scribbling notes on a shitty notepad will make for a shitty outcome. This is also why I obsess over handwriting but that's another post, another therapy session all together. Currently I am coveting two items. The Kate Spade sister journal to my spade journal and the ridiculously priced Hermès coloring book. It's like the grown-up child in me is screaming to have this. I have $100 dollars on the fact that if I do end up with it, I'll never even color in the pages.

the space between

2011-10-25T09:47:00.000-04:00

Living in a city where space is money, I've began to think at what age is it appropriate to still have a roommate? Isn't it sort of odd to think that you live on your own yet you still share a home with others that you are just friends with? In some sense, it's really nice. You can be single and still have the comfort in knowing that someone is there when you come home from work. In another view it seems very juvenile to have a "roomie" at age 25, 27 or 30. When does it cross over from being necessary to disheartening?

This stems from the fact that my current roommate will be moving out and into an apartment with her boyfriend come February. Aside from the sadness I feel in losing her as a roommate, I felt this odd sense of abandonment like we were breaking up. Who would wake me up after I accidentally turn my alarm off during the week? Who will make sure I make it home at night? Then my mind turned to the haunting thought of; will I ever want someone else in my space?

Let me define my interpretation of space. Space is both physical and emotional. If you are physically in my space this may be a problem because of the smallness of city apartments. I don't want to bump into you because this will cause both of us to become grouchy. If you are emotionally in my space it means that you are more than just a friend. You ask me where I was and what I am doing the second I walk in the door. Your energy directly effects me because I am emotionally involved with you. Can there be enough physical space for all the emotional space we together take up? Following me?

Much more than a roommate, when do you decide that it's actually time to move in with someone who is more than a friend. I'm left with this question because I've never had the mere thought of doing so with any of my previous boyfriends. Others say that it just happens and that it just seems to suddenly make sense. I cannot wrap my head around that. All I know is that I need a lot of physical space to hold all of the emotional space I take up. Maybe I should start thinking about moving to another borough.

checkpoint

2011-10-24T13:37:00.000-04:00

Midway plus a month or so and I'm checking in about those 25 goals I set on my birthday. Here's where they stand thus far:

1. ~~Travel more~~ Yeah, be careful what you wish for
2. ~~Make less excuses (oh crap, a bad start but I will get better)~~ such a good goal to set
3. ~~Go to more flea markets/antique fairs~~ what up bk and uws
4. ~~Spend more time kissing~~ I don't kiss and tell
5. Train for the NYC marathon
6. ~~Write more thank you notes~~ lots to be thankful for
7. Learn to moon walk
8. Do more yoga
9. ~~Keep up with this blog~~ constantly trying
10. Visit the ballet
11. Take ballet
12. ~~Make it to the beach come summer~~ once counts I guess
13. ~~Get a promotion at work~~ Got a promotion and then a new job, double win
14. ~~Donate more of my items~~ clutter free
15. Spend less time being hungover
16. ~~Drink way less sugar~~ silly yet effective
17. Get my allergies (to almost everything) figured out
18. Pay off my credit card
19. ~~Procrastinate less~~ ready. set. go.
20. ~~Spend more time with my sister~~ but still happy to spend more
21. ~~Go horseback riding more~~ continue through the fall I hope
22. Learn to cook all the dessert recipes I save
23. Keep up with my journal (nerdy, I know)
24. Take a cooking class
25. ~~Make more friends~~ meeting more amazing people each day

14/25 is okay but still lots to do and think about. Half way to 26 is sort of scary but in a good way. As long as it's not 27 which is my "scary" age where I think I should be grown up or accomplish something grand. What's your scary age?

plagued plans

2011-10-12T10:55:00.001-04:00

I book, double book, cancel and reschedule constantly. I get into bed Sunday night and wish I had spent my weekend resting and running errands instead of going out to eat, staying out much too late and not sleeping nearly enough. Does anyone else do this to themselves? As soon as I have a free minute I'm filled with this you're-25-and-in-nyc-you-must-go-be-social-your-youth-will-be-gone-soon feeling.

My sister jokes that whenever I am home at my parents that all I do is sleep but this is the only time where I don't have that nagging feeling that I'm missing out on something. I can actually linger around, take random naps and go to bed/sleep in late without feeling like a loser who stayed in on the weekend. I think my non-stop attitude is all apart of my new schedule which flexes me to have a greater social life. I'm trying to use my new freedom to become "healthier" and to let go of all the stress I carried around for the past few years but what I'm really do is making myself crazy with dinners, dates, random travel plans and staying up and out too late.

Speaking of random travel plans, this weekend I'll be returning to my homeland also known as Beaver Stadium. Penn State homecoming is this weekend and I'll be off to pretend that I haven't got a care in the world by cheering on my home team. I can't wait to go back to Saints, shop at Mr. Charles and pick up a college baseball cap. Hoping for nice weather and a win.

approach with caution

2011-10-03T13:38:00.000-04:00

The first time it happened was the summer after my senior year in high school. Sitting around a bonfire I was told 3 times in a row that I was severely unapproachable. I was laughing inside, I couldn't help it. When 18 year old guys have their first actual conversation with you and decide that you aren't nearly as frightening as they thought you were, it makes you want to smack them upside their heads. Of course I'm not you idiots, I'm just not into your cliquey bullshit.

Fast forward to college. As my friends were hit on at bars and parties more often than not, I was approached last. Usually by guys a lot older than me and who were well into their 5th or 6th beer. Why? See above. After a few moments of conversation they realize that I'm not going to shoot them down or put my cigarette out on their forearms (I don't smoke but this is my post so let's pretend). Before I've said that people tell me more information than normal and with that is their common confession. Here's a few I've heard:

-You're not nearly as mean as you look.
-If I didn't know you, I would never approach you.
-You really enjoy calling people out don't you?
-Why do you look so pissed?
-I thought you hated me.

My college friends were extremely approachable. I felt sort of left out in college being the girl who wasn't getting bought free drinks all the time. The place that I was hit on the most was at work. I waitressed at a sports bar in my college town where hundreds came to watch football, hockey and any other sport of the season. I had to smile, I had to flirt, I had to deal with bad pick up lines - my rent depended on it. Now I understand why this was the place where numbers were left on napkins and receipts, I had to emulate that easy going, approachable girl - I learned to pretend.

My friends now have the same reputation I have as the unapproachable girl. I take great comfort in this. I like that they don't dumb themselves down so that guys will approach them or that they have no problem calling you out for your cheesy pick up line. If you can get past our harsh glares and bouts of laughter you will find a group of friends who want nothing more than to go out, have fun, make new friends and laugh until sunrise. So if you do actual spot me out, make sure you come say hello… I promise I won't make you feel like an ass, unless you deserve it.

one

2011-09-23T09:29:00.000-04:00

Today marks one year in blogging. Before I blow out those birthday candles though I'd like to make a toast. Ahem.

Thank you for reading. Sometimes when I seriously doubt anyone even reads anything I write, I get a very lovely surprise. I hear about my friends parents who visit my blog, my moms coworkers, my high school peers, others mention my blog or specific posts in conversations, people I don't know leave comments or send me messages. It means a lot to me, you have no idea.

Most of what I write has been inspired by conversations I've had with others. Friends, enemies, coworkers, strangers, family, the works. If we're having the conversation then I'm sure someone else out there is wondering about it too, which is why I write. Sometimes it's nice to know that there are people as nutty as you out there. I'm here to say that I support your nutty-ness, you are not alone.

I have for good reason never mentioned the names of those who I am writing about. Most of you probably wouldn't care but I would never want to subject anyone to anything I say. This is me putting myself out to the public, not me putting you out to the public. If you know me personally, I'm sure you can figure out who each post is inspired by. Some of you have even commented remembering the conversation you initially had with me that turned into a post. Thank you for the inspiration.

My favorite post: The Wave
Your favorite post based off of the stats: Naked Truth
The most useful post: Perfect Pair
The most delish post: Guac-mole-me
The most "real" post to write: How to treat a snake bite
The post that I can laugh at now that I've moved: Things that bump in the night

Special thanks to
My Mom Carol: Thanks for ALWAYS reading. You never miss one & I really appreciate that. I love you.
Matt & Xaiver: Thank you for fixing/answering my tech questions!
Kate & Mallory: For commenting and reading and being two of my very best friends ever. I love you both.

All my other friends: Thank you for having those conversations that have led to over 100 posts. I can't wait to see what sort of weirdo stuff we talk about next.

P.S. Suddenly Lovely is on facebook now if you'd like to be a fan :)

anonymous design

2011-09-22T22:33:00.001-04:00

When I was younger and still living with my parents I always thought in situations that didn't please me, "I will remember this for my own kids, I will never do that to them." Even then I knew I was being dramatic and usually I was able to see the point they were trying to make. Now that I'm at the old age of 25 I'm thinking about that situation in a different light. I'm talking about a situation that I bet 99% of designers face. The "when I'm an art director/creative director I will never do that to my designers/team" situation.

Have you ever had one of your bosses/managers/directors do something or say something that either made you want to fall to the floor in tears in frustration or hurl a desk across the room in anger? It's not criticism I'm talking about. I'm talking about owning your work and getting credit where credit is due. Let me set the scene for you.

It's understood that when you work for a brand that you will not be able to sign your work like a painter or sculptor would. You acknowledge that you work for Company X and that Company X will (hopefully) get praised for the project you slaved and obsessed over. Your name will not appear at the end of the commercial, at the bottom poster, on the lower right hand corner of the box. But throughout the company and to those in the industry, you will shine. How naive for a young designer like myself to think. I never realized how hurtful taking credit for the work of others could be until I had been in both situations.

As I stood in front of my concepts and designs this week in front of first my art director, then my senior director, then my marketing director and still more directors and presidents to follow I realized something. Those "fall to the floor in tears" situations swing both ways. Both when someone takes complete credit for the designs you've created and when someone 2, 3 or 4 levels above you looks you straight in the eye and says, "Wow. Wonderful. These are great." They pull others over, they talk about you in other meetings, they are happy that you are there to be a part of their team. Learning from now both situations I am putting this in the back of my head for when I reach my own design dream job as an art director one day.

Give credit to where credit is do. Celebrate those who did the work. Acknowledge their work. You have no idea how beat down you can get when the opposite happens.

I left work and cried. Out of relief. Out of complete happiness. The moment where my art director pointed to me when her boss asked who had worked on the concept. You have no idea how grateful I was for that moment. Those moments make me want to push forward even harder, to really shine even brighter next time. You could have hated it all but the fact that you said it was my work went above and beyond. Thank you.

dream on

2011-09-20T13:28:00.000-04:00

Do any of you have reoccurring dreams? Places, people or situations that you come back to from time to time? I think that more often than not I dream. I wake up sometimes knowing exactly what the dream was about and sometimes I'm just left with a feeling. I wrote before about night terrors and how they come and go with my stress level. Dreams have always been an oddity to me, especially when I have déjà vu.

Do you ever wake up completely exhausted? This happened to me Monday morning when I had been asleep for more than 9 hours. Feeling tired and worn out from the weekend I crawled into bed early only to awake hours later feeling like I had been running a marathon through the night. I woke up with the memory of a reoccurring dream I have pretty often. Usually in the dream I am fighting someone but am unable to land a punch or do anything to defend myself but run in the opposite direction. I've been having this dream for so long that I can't remember when it even started. I push, I punch and try with all my strength but nothing makes my opponent flinch. Sunday night however, I was able for the first time to beat my opponent. The opponent often changes but is always a male figure. Usually he laughs at me and comes towards me stronger with every kick or punch I throw. I remember in the dream that the one thing that made him (whoever he is and stands for) back up, was me constantly moving forward towards him. The closer I got and the more confident I felt to move forward, the more he backed down.

I know this sounds completely crazy but I wonder why out of all the times I've had this dream, why now was able to overcome this male figure? I could google the meaning all day but wouldn't come up with a thing to satisfy me I'm sure. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't feel all that well and my body was trying to fight through whatever cold I have that made me have such a vivid dream. I doubt I'll ever know.

bergdorf blondes

2011-09-14T16:46:00.000-04:00

Prior to my internship in the city, I had very limited knowledge and expectations. Sophomore year of college while on spring break in Miami, I hurriedly picked up "Bergdorf Blondes" before rushing onto my plane. Looking back I realize that this is how I came to imagined NYC. Full of socialites, luxe shopping, extravagant parties and extra perfect and glamorous women, this was the city I was determined to find myself in.

Now that I'm here I can't help but laugh. More than 5 times a day I gag because of the smell of garbage or a homeless person. Heels over 4" aren't realistic to trot around in and my feet look like they've been put through the lawn mower at the end of each week. The average size of engagement rings here are more than 80% larger than the rest of the world. And finally, you can be sitting next to a billionaire on the subway and not know it because it seems the richer you are here, the less you get to give a shit about how you look.

Nonetheless, I love it. I preach about Central Park and love that I can grab a cab at any hour to deliver me right where I need to be. For the third time I've decided to again read "Bergdorf Blondes." I love falling in love all over again with the magic of the city, even if some of it is a bit far fetched for a working girl like myself.

a loaded question

2011-09-13T22:33:00.001-04:00

"Do you ever hate Ken?" Isabella had asked her friend Mary a couple of weeks ago. They were getting manicures on a Wednesday night after work and the question just came out. Ken was Mary's new boyfriend, a nice guy who made all of their friends comment, "Oh, there he is. That's what she's been waiting for," as if finding your perfect match was a guarantee as long as you were patient enough.

Mary raised her eyebrows and looked closely at a nail she'd just smudged.

"Hate him?" she asked.

"Yeah. Hate him." Isabella said. "The other night I looked at Harrison and I just...I don't know."

"I don't know if I ever hate him," Mary said. "But he sure bugs the living fuck out of me sometimes."

* * * * * *

A laugh-out-loud moment where I found myself nodding at my book and to myself on the subway. It was refreshing that I never had to say this out loud but someone else did and even took the time to write it into a book. Do you ever look at those around you, the ones you love and think, "What the hell am I doing hanging around with this person?" Yeah well me too, almost every other day.

(Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close)

lavender longing

2011-09-12T14:52:00.000-04:00

Whenever I see a familiar scent listed as a food item on a menu I am always intrigued. For example, lavender. This strong, cozy scent is a favorite of mine that reminds me of home. While out to dinner this weekend at the legendary 21 Club in Manhattan, I ordered a Lavender-lime rickey which was simply listed as a combination of Tanqueray, fresh lime and lavender syrup. I've had food before that's been infused with lavender but never anything so strong. I highly recommend visiting the restaurant if you're visiting or live in the city. The "rickey" would be a perfect drink to serve with brunch.

thefty shopping

2011-09-06T08:54:00.000-04:00

Have you ever stole anything? Better yet, have you ever had anything stolen from you by a complete stranger? I'm not talking about your sibling nabbing something from your closet, I'm talking gone for good. I've never stolen anything but last year my leather jacket was swiped from me while out in the city. Now I take responsibility for not checking my coat at check-in but I was less than 10 feet from it the entire night and have definitely been more careless a million times before. The thing about this jacket was it was the first big purchase that I made entirely for myself when I moved to Manhattan. I saved up all my birthday money and cut way back to buy this thing. It meant something to me. It was a "I'm-23-in-fucking-manhattan-hear-me-roar" piece. I loved it. I wore it constantly. It was the second favorite thing I've ever owned (the first being a gold bracelet from December 1986 engraved with 'Toni' that still fits me). I cried. Hard. It floors me to this day that someone would take something that didn't belong to them. I tried to think that they really needed that jacket or maybe it really was a mistake but it was never returned to the restaurant/club/bar and therefore I believe now that they did it on purpose. This weekend I semi-replaced that jacket with a new one. It's similar and I'm sure I'll grow to love it but I have a feeling that I won't be as attached to it as I was my last one. I'm trying to think of it as my "I'm-25-just-landed-my-dream-job-and-still-loving-manhattan" jacket but it doesn't have the same ring to it. As we've been over before, I believe in karma so who knows where the person who swiped my jacket ends up. In the meantime, I'll be breaking in my new edition.

gentlemen don't wear shorts, ladies don't chug

2011-09-05T20:35:00.000-04:00

Where do you fall when it comes to dating etiquette? Are you a do-it-all-gal where as you hail your own cabs, open your own doors and make the first move? Or are you ore the traditional wait for him to take your coat, pull out your chair and order for you? Personally every relationship I've been in has been different from the last. And with each, my expectations changed. Some men forgot to help me out of the car but always remembered my favorite ice cream. Some have held the door but forgot to hold my hand.

What is the perfect blend? I believe in an equal partner equation. You get what you give. Pick me up late, in shorts, without making any sort of plan for the night? Odds are that you're going to get less than 50% of my attention that night. Show up on time, dressed appropriately, with a game plan and a smile, I'm 100% yours. It's not chiverly I'm after, but the effort makes all the difference. What about the same effort put forth for men too? Maybe sometimes girls are to blame. If you are chugging a beer and looking like a slob, expect to be treated like one. Remember his favorite place to eat, that dress he loved on you or take the time to learn something about something he's into.

Of course everyone's preferences are different. It takes someone damn near perfect and special to make you realized that they are what you've been missing without even knowing it. Regardless, do one thing today that makes your girl or guy remember why they are with you.

the loss of living

2011-08-28T18:07:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it's not death that takes someone away from you but life. Moving away from your childhood town, leaving for college, and starting your adult life in another city are all physical moves that push you closer to some and further from others. What about emotional moves? Decisions that turn into gateways for some friendships or relationships but dead ends for others. We are never the same people we were in the past and we are forever changing. Sometimes that change, no matter what, pulls you further from the people you originally thought would always be there. Remember your first boyfriend/girlfriend and how you thought you'd be together forever? Maybe some of you are lucky enough to have that thought turn into reality but most of us aren't. You pass these people at different points in your life and realize that you both have changed into people who are barely recognizable from that 14 year old state. This is not the boy I drove around with singing Craig David's "Seven Days" (yes, it's true, I know every word).

Through all of my heartbreaks, I've never had a worse heartbreak than from a best friend. Boyfriends seem to come and go but my girlfriends are a constant in my life. I've realized that as we get older, my group of close friends shrink. Between work, boyfriends, and life in general, the time I spend with friends is more specific. As relationships and friendships fade or grow stronger I've let go of all negative feelings and move forward with the understanding that sometimes there is nothing else you can do.

This post is dedicated to Mallory who was my 7th grade enemy until she told all the mean girls to go to hell during lunch when I was told there was no room for me at their table. That's love.

sayonara

2011-08-28T01:26:00.001-04:00

As August comes to an end and fall creeps in with September I start to think about where the summer has gone. Usually I'm still holding on to the last bit of the season but this year, I'm ready for change. Summer here means you're constantly on the go. You see friends here and there but always rushing from place to place, party to party, club to bar and so-on. Fall comes and everything slows down. Summer romances fade and for a month or so, everyone is blissfully single and available for an afternoon brunch, walk around the city or late night out. As I sit here with not one but two fans blowing on me, I think of the season to come, it's beautiful leaves, crisp air and calmness. Goodbye summer, see you next year.

fast food

2011-08-22T21:01:00.003-04:00

I'm a big fan of easy, fast dinners. I never feel like cooking anything when get home from work and the gym at the end of the day. I am constantly looking for recipes that are quick, delish and can be made with only a few main ingredients (I loath grocery shopping!). Here's one below that I made up as I went that took 20 minutes and tasted amazing!

Day before: Marinate your chicken breast over night with just a few ingredients listed below. I just put mine in a zip bag, nothing fancy!
-Fresh basil leaves
-Montreal chicken seasoning
-Virgin olive oil
Day of: Set your pasta to boil and put your chicken in the oven at 350 degrees. Depending on how thick it is, cooking time may vary. Add more seasoning if preferred. Whisk together butter, freshly chopped garlic, pepper, pinch of salt and minced basil leaves. Once your chicken is done chop up and put it into pasta and pour butter sauce over. Enjoy!

moving on, moving out

2011-08-19T14:43:00.006-04:00

In March of 2007 I arrived in New York City for my interview with a company called Ceci New York. One summer internship and three years later, I find myself saying goodbye to my first design job and all the people who I've grown so close to. The photo above was taken by my mom moments before that first interview for my summer internship. You can clearly see my nerves as I clutch my ice tea and barely smile. I remember being on such a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement, curiosity, nervousness but most of all, pure terror. What if they laughed at my work? What if they told me to get out and never come back? The "they" turned out to be Senior Designer Drew Brockington and Founder/Creative Director Ceci Johnson. They did neither such thing. They carefully went through my portfolio, asked me about my background, my interests and took me through the Ceci New York design process in-brief. I came back as a full-time designer July 2008 after my college graduation. I've been able to work on projects from comedian Lisa Lampanelli's wedding invitation (who is a really, really sweet woman contrary to belief), Australian online shopping brand BlackRag and was even in a CeciStyle shoot as an extra (that's me on the left with the one shoulder pink dress).

The last day has been bittersweet so far. Being both sad to go and excited to begin something new has left me in limbo for the past two weeks. I do think as a creative person it's time to throw myself into something completely different and new. It will challenge everything I've known for the past few years and make me flip, reinvent and change the way I design. I still feel much like the person in the photograph being on the verge of fainting as I finish up my last day. But here's to change, something fresh and new and a great big thank you and I love you to everyone here at Ceci New York.

fall break

2011-08-18T10:06:00.005-04:00

As much as I love summer in the city, fall here is like no other… well with the exception of the amazing falls I used to have at Penn State. With college football, cider, crisp air and beautiful colored leaves to look forward to, I've already been putting my fall wish list together. All combined makes the perfect look for a stroll through central park, a state game with college friends or a casual date with someone special. Hopefully you'll find something you love here too! From top left, moving clockwise: Chanel Coco Mademoiselle Parfum, Tory Burch Selma riding boot, Tarte LipSurgence natural matte lip tint, West Avenue Small Monogram Necklace, La Perla Vintage Plissé lace soft-cup bra, J Brand 620 Super Skinny Denim, Ralph Lauren Blue Label Megan Solid Oxford Shirt and S'MORES (the biggest must-have of the season)!

speak the truth, even if your voice shakes

2011-08-17T09:54:00.003-04:00

I've learned so many things by moving out of my small town in Pennsylvania. Things that have lifted me up and things that have let me down but most of all, how to deal with both. While I truly believe everyone deals with their problems differently, the core to everyone's internal struggle may be that we lie to ourselves. It's hard to take ourselves outside of our own situations to realize what is happening and how to find the solution. Acknowledging a problem or a bad habit to yourself is beyond difficult. Assessing the problem and dealing with it yourself is almost impossible. In New York, I'd say more often than not, our friends, coworkers, bosses and significant others see therapists for this exact reason. It takes complete strangers to get to the root of the problem. But why can't we do this ourselves? I refuse to spend money on something I am sure I can do myself which is why I've developed my own therapy session with myself as both the patient and the therapist.

Whenever I'm feeling especially down over anything; friends, family, work, significant others, etc. I do a simple trick, I speak the truth to myself. I know this sounds simple and a bit crazy but have you ever openly spoken the dead truth about a problem your facing? 9 times out of 10 you know what the solution is. The problem is the solution is often harder than ignoring the issue itself, it's not your ideal situation and is inconvenient and messy. Before you can admit your wrong doings to anyone else, it's a good idea to admit them to yourself. Unhappy with a friend? Say it out loud. Ask yourself why. Ask yourself how. Ask yourself when this started and how you see it ending. The most important thing about this is saying it out loud. Be completely honest. You'll probably cry but you might start to realize where it stemmed from. You'll feel a ton better and begin to organize your thoughts. You'll begin to heal.

While I fully understand that this isn't for everyone, it really has helped me. Lay down, sit on the sofa, go for a walk and find a good spot in the park, say it in the shower, whatever works for you. But once you are fully 100% honest with yourself, all those knowing truths inside you will come out and you'll be able to begin the process and be able to assess whatever you're dealing with more responsibly, all beginning with realizing your responsible for yourself.

act your age

2011-08-16T11:28:00.004-04:00

As much as I try to deny the fact, I am an adult. Once I turned 25 years old earlier this year, I realized that I should probably stop fucking around and act my age. What I didn't know is, I actually already was. Subtly over time, habits and personality traits of my younger self began to disappear and I began to grow up. While walking home today from the grocery store I realized while passing a high school girl how much younger she actually was than me, and how glad I am that I am done with that chapter of my life. While friends can still hurt your feelings and your heart still breaks the same, there are bits of things I do on a daily basis that categorize myself as an adult. Below are 10 signs of my adulthood that are both light-hearted, and laughable. Enjoy.

1. I force myself to eat vegetables, the one's I don't like
2. I save recipes
3. I use the term "tween" as a general description
4. I'm done dating assholes
5. I don't use the term "when I get older" I say "eventually" instead
6. I critique other parents parenting skills instead of blaming the child
7. I don't want to waste a sick day on actually being sick
8. I no longer buy the cheapest wine bottle at the store
9. I drink coffee not for the caffeine but because I like the taste
10. I am genuinely concerned with what I will feed my guests if they come over before we go out

tricky sticks

2011-08-09T11:48:00.003-04:00

Prior to my internship in New York City I had never eaten sushi or thai and therefore, never learned how to use chopsticks. Feeling awkward and embarrassed I picked up my chopsticks amongst my new coworkers and tried to mimic their hand movements. It wasn't until a few weeks later while out to dinner with a good friend and fellow designer, Melinda that I was shown how to properly hold and use chopsticks. Recently while at a sushi restaurant in downtown Baltimore I felt the need to pass along my chopstick knowledge. How many of you also do not know how to use these tricky sticks? The key is to make sure the bottom stick stays put as your anchor and to use the top stick to squeeze your food. Here's a good how-to online, you'll be a pro in no time: http://www.ehow.com/how_3261_chopsticks.html

survivor island

2011-08-08T12:47:00.003-04:00

Whenever word reaches me that someone is leaving the city the response is always the same. My eyes squint, my forehead wrinkles and my expression is pure confusion. Why? Maybe it's that I'm so wrapped up in the magic of New York City that I can't imagine why one would leave. Then planning begins and everyone rushes around for dinner and drinks with that person because leaving the city is like leaving the planet. Hurry! We have to have dinner, I probably won't ever see or hear from you again! I forget that emails and phone calls exist and that once you leave the city, you are always able to move back or at the least, visit.

Leaving the city means leaving conveniences behind. Being able to be chauffeured around in a cab, order in food, laundry and alcohol and mostly have anything you need at a drop of a hat and a messenger fee. New Yorkers live in excess. We work too much, drink too much, don't sleep enough, are obsessed with being at the latest and greatest restaurants and clubs, run marathons because it's trendy and act uninterested at celebrity sightings because, "Who are they anyway, they probably live in L.A. full-time." All of this makes me wonder why exactly I stay. I was born and raised in the country with a go-getter and do-for-yourself attitude. This may be the exact reason I've survived so long though. Being able to live amongst these high-strung, high-energy and sometimes just high New Yorkers all while staying level-headed might stem from my low-key upbringing. All I know for now is that if you are leaving please let me know so I can run around planning drinks and dinners with you because you're leaving my little safe island and going into the big, scary world.

This post is dedicated to Jes. She came and conquered and is now off to rule the rest of the world, best wishes and hope to see you soon. xx

summer sips

2011-07-28T15:23:00.002-04:00

Two Christmas holiday's ago I was inspired by a friend's homemade irish liquor which was gifted to me. He and his girlfriend have been making the liquor since their first Christmas together with the recipe steaming from their family's backgrounds in Ireland. The blend was absolutely divine and I instantly started wondering how I could put my own spin on the idea. Since summer is one of my favorite seasons in the city, I was influenced by all the fresh fruit in my local grocery market. I found this simple recipe and have been meaning to share it for some time now. The raspberries I used can be replaced with just about anything. Note that I am absolutely not a fan of typical flavored vodka but this recipe flavors it in a way that is perfect with just a splash of soda or additional juice over ice. I am going to prep blueberries and strawberries this weekend. Recipe below & cheers!

Materials
large stock pot 
spatula 
1 1/2 cups sugar 
1 1/2 cups water
 1 whole bag fresh raspberries 
4 cups reasonable vodka
 food processor (you can do this by hand with a knife without an issue)
cheesecloth (you can also use a coffee filter, see below)
 large very clean glass bottle or steeping jar with lid 
4-6 or more small decorative bottles with lids to hold the finished liqueur (only if you are giving these as gifts)

Instructions
1. Pour water and sugar in large stock pot over medium heat. Stir constantly until sugar dissolves and water looks clear. Let cool.
2. Place raspberries in food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add to the cooled sugar water and then add vodka. Stir. If you don't have a food processor just mince up the raspberries by hand, I did this myself and it worked fine.
3. Pour into large steeping jar or bottle. Seal and store in cool dark place. Steep for 2 to 3 weeks, shaking every other day. (I put mine in the back of our kitchen closet)
4. Pour mix through strainer to separate solids. Using cheesecloth will remove more impurities. You can also use a coffee filter!
5. Use funnel to pour into small individual bottles, tie ribbon around the fun red liqueur and voila! Makes 4-8 gifts depending on bottle sizes. Cost is about $5 to $10 dollars per gift depending on vodka and individual bottle cost.
Other fruit options include but are not limited to: vanilla bean, simply slice in half and place in storing. I recommend steeping this a month. Orange or lemon peel (avoid rind). The bottles store for one year.

listen hear

2011-07-27T11:09:00.000-04:00

Have you ever played the date game? Sitting close to a couple whose body language and conversation says they've recently met. So what's on the table for conversation? Background/the run down? First date most likely. Friends and light jokes? Second to third date. When you first meet a new person, friend or love interest, do you lay it out on the line or do you withhold? I personally withhold but I've found that most of the time people tend to divulge a lot of information in me surprisingly fast. This makes me feel good knowing that others trust me with their "truths." These truths can be described as secrets, obsessions, interests, loves/hates, and extreme opinions on others. This is something that since elementary school has been a common factor in all my friendships and relationships. I am the secret keeper. I am pulled to coffee, sleepovers, girl's nights out, beer with the guys, walks and phone conversations which begin light but always end up in confessions. There is no gift to this but there is an understanding; I don't hear you, I listen.

Because I listen I usually learn much more about a person but just doing so rather than diving head first into a conversation that may or may not involve me. I am also genuinely interested in what makes people tick and react. You really hate something? Tell me why, how and what. Get specific, give me details. Just like my collection of tangible treasures, I collect secrets. I think acquiring this relationship with people early in getting to know them makes them either do two things, become a friend for life or feel too vulnerable and stray a bit. Simple, silly, deep, dark, useful and useless, they will never leave my lips.

routinely regular

2011-07-19T16:07:00.007-04:00

"At two o'clock we go to the sitting room"

Some of us, more than others crave consistency in our daily routines. While some days may fly by with meetings, deadlines and to-do lists, some days slowly tread on without much to look forward to. What if at 1:00 in the afternoon everyday you had the option of heading to the beach to relax or at 5:00 in the early evening you routinely gathered with friends over small plates and decadent desserts? Doesn't that sound much better than having to rush lunch while quickly answering emails? Below are a few routines from the past and present that different parts of the world consistency take part in. I would love to hear more if you'd care to comment and share!

Spain - a siesta or midday nap usually in the early afternoon after lunch due to high afternoon temperatures and a heavy lunch. Originally this nap concept was put in place so that people could take time to hang out with their friends and family, how nice!

United Kingdom - tea time which originated in England is accompanied by light sandwiches, scones, cakes and pastries. Low tea or afternoon tea is taken between 2pm-5pm while high tea is taken between 5pm-7pm.

United States - one of the only routines American culture takes part in during the week is happy hour. Originating from the prohibition era, drinking prior to dinner served as a way for adults to hide cocktail parties at a speakeasy before heading to dinner where alcohol was illegal to be served.

Islam - the daily practice of prayer called salah is performed five times a day. Each prayer is performed at a prescribed time of the day.

collector's edition

2011-07-06T11:38:00.003-04:00

How do you note your life? Do you scrapbook, keep a journal or take tons of photos? I am a collector. I wish I had time for a scrapbook, the patience and eye for photography and while I do keep a journal, it's full of writing but lacks visuals. Open my bedside table and you will find several small boxes. These boxes contain various clips from places and moments. Rather than getting caught up in how to perfectly display vacations, weekend events and everyday treasures, these small boxes allow me to easily keep things that I love in one place. Below is an example of what you might find if you spy into these small boxes which are adornments in themselves;

Boxes - perfume, jewelry and candy. Part of being a designer is being in awe of perfect printing techniques and new and different constructions of various containers. Even these boxes were selected carefully to keep my items safe.

Tickets - movie, train, plane, social event, sporting event, museum, etc. Events that shaped moments and memories special and unforgettable to me. Looking at these make me remember those past places, events and people I shared them with.

Perfume Slips - papers, tabs, stems and ribbons. I've always been obsessed with smells which trigger memories for me so easily.

Notes - friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, family and strangers: Things to remind myself how wonderful the people in my life are, present and past.

Tags - clothing, ribbon and gift certificates. Again a design obsession with printing, packing and branding.

Mini Perfume Bottles - I don't have nearly enough of these but I do love them.

Et Cetera - Matchbooks, business cards, specialty papers, fortune cookie slips, stickers, magazine clips of wanted wardrobe items or hair and makeup how-to's and random 3D objects such as a worry doll, animals, buttons and beads.

Maybe you have one of these boxes too. Some of your might refer to this as your "junk drawer" but mine's a bit to organized and contained to be labeled as such. Ideally I'd like to transfer all of these items into a vintage trunk to be kept in my home. But without the trunk or space currently, these boxes will have to do.

cry baby

2011-07-05T12:20:00.003-04:00

Everyone shows their emotions differently; you scream, jump up and down, become silent, smile or frown and everyone, from time to time, cries. Whether from sadness or joy, why do we cry? When faced with troublesome news, the stress of the day or maybe just lack of sleep, we find ourselves with our faces in our hands and with tears streaming. There are three types of tears. Basal tears keep our eyes moist. Reflex tears cleanse our eyes of irritants, in the case of allergies or when cutting an onion for example. And finally, emotional tears are hormonal induced. The same nerves responsible for reflex tears reach deeper into the brain to the cerebrum which deals with emotional responses. When emotions hit in the cerebrum, hormones are released which trigger glands behind your eyes to produce tears. The emotions are triggered most commonly by stress. The positive or negative stress of good or bad news floods each of our systems differently causing various responses. Those more "sensitive" therefore produce higher levels of hormones to be released causing stronger responses, like crying.

Have you ever been in a situation which you don't really want to cry it out right there and then? Because of the hormones, holding back tears actually produces more stress making it even harder to hold in. The release of tears by crying acts as a physical release of hormones which is why, you really do feel better after letting it out and crying. Next time try focusing on the process rather than the reason to calm yourself down. Now we know, it's proven - cry it out and you'll feel better.

up in smoke

2011-07-01T16:23:00.001-04:00

Remember the kids who used to smoke under the bleachers in high school? And in the present, people who stand outside bars in the dead of winter to take long drags of their skinny cigarettes? I was never one of those people. Today however, as the day slowly creeps by, I wish I had the excuse of smoking to be able to step outside. There are other times that smoking seemed appealing to me such as being an intern and witnessing Williamsburg, Brooklyn for the first time and realizing that everyone was smoking around me while dressed up like it was Halloween in mid-July. When I pass a model on break who looks straight out of a Calvin Klein ad looking ultra bored and flawless in Soho. When "got a light" serves as a pick up line that never sounds cheesy because it's a legit question that leads to a conversation. While drinking a martini at a swanky city club. And finally because it actually does look like it warms you up in February when everything is dead and cold around you. I find no appeal to it other than the superficial, silly reasons above but it would give me 10 minutes outside every few hours to enjoy the sunshine.

my only mister

2011-06-29T13:18:00.001-04:00

I have a very meaningful relationship with Mr. Coffee. He's reliable, satisfying, consistent and uncomplicated. While I love my weekend routine of coffee brewing at home, I also look forward to trying new coffee shops here and there. My absolute favorite coffee shop is Saint's Cafe in State College, Pennsylvania. While in school and on a typical college budget, I would pick up an extra table (I was a waitress) or skip on a pizza slice (at 2 am) so that I could afford my coffee habit. I can't explain how a simple latte at this place would instantly snap me into bliss. Even now traveling back to State College, one sip takes me back to football weekends, crisp fall air and carefree afternoons. Below you'll find my 4 favorite coffee shops and menu choices. Happy Brewing.

Saint's Cafe
Vanilla chai latte with soy milk & a lemon poppyseed muffin
123 West Beaver Avenue, State College, Pennsylvania

Café Grumpy
Hot apple cider & a chocolate cupcake
224 West 20th Street, New York, New York

Jupiter Outpost Cafe
Pumpkin spice coffee
1139 West Fulton Market, Chicago, Illinois

La Maison du Macaron (previously Madeleine Patisserie)
Café au lait & blueberry macaron (but really any flavor, I love them all)
132 West 23rd Street, New York, New York

thumbless

2011-06-28T14:11:00.002-04:00

Out of all the skills that were passed down from my parents, being able to garden was not one of them. No matter how hard I try, my plants always die. My mom has sent/gifted me dozens of plants for birthdays or housewarmings and no matter how hard I try, they always die within a few weeks. I have managed to kill both a cactus and a bamboo plant which is seemingly impossible. I have the anti green thumb which made me wonder where that saying came from. There are many different stories but one that seems to make the most sense is when gardeners handle pots which have green algae around the base and outside, their fingers (thumb) become stained green. I'm trying yet again this year to grow both basil and mint. So far the basil has sprouted but the mint stays hidden (probably dead before I even planted it). I am determined to have one plant live long enough so that I can harvest it for a pizza, drink, salad, etc. Here's to hoping and maybe a light green thumb.

buffet belief

2011-06-21T13:36:00.001-04:00

My beliefs seem to be of buffet style. Ideas and concepts taken from here and there to make up my own personal set of rules. By definition I am Presbyterian but throughout my 25 years of life I've realized that at times, other religions seemed to better help explain why and how I was put here on earth. One of my favorite concepts and beliefs is karma. Originating from Buddhism, karma can easily be defined as getting exactly what you deserve. While I can't say I've ever believed in one God, I do believe in a network of players who help mold and change the world. What sort of Gods would make one suffer without a reason or make another happy without reason? You get what you deserve and like we've all heard a million times before "do onto others as you'd like done onto yourself."

I've never seen karma as a punishment but more as an extension of another's acts and attitudes. Wherever there is a cause, there is an effect. Visually, think of it as a ping pong game. You can ping back and forth but if you strike the ball too hard on purpose and it flies off the table, expect it to come back in the same manner. It may not be right away and it may be when you least expect it, but be sure that it will happen. The focus of karma helps keep my own moral code in line. I may be on the cause or effect end of any situation and I have the power to change the outcome by focusing on a positive solution. Each day I try to add simple karma points to my universal score board. Simple tasks like holding doors for others, saying please and thank you or buying an extra coffee for a homeless person I (sadly) pass almost every morning. While I'm unsure how these "points" will help me in the end, I do hope that my own karma affects others positively. How do you settle your own score?

here & there

2011-06-09T10:26:00.000-04:00

They say "location, location, location."

Well, they have a point. Do you ever stop in the midst of your busy day and fully grasp where you are? Not your work, not your family or friends, not what you are wearing or what you might be chowing down on at lunch but where. The places you've been to get to where you are in the present. As you read this, are you in the suburbs, a city, the country? In an office, house, apartment, school room, park? Are you somewhere you love or are you somewhere you hate? Maybe it's just somewhere to get you to the next somewhere that you'd rather be.

I am here. In my apartment in New York City. I'm half sticking to my chair with a fan fulling blasting on my face. It smells faintly of pineapple and shampoo. My hair is half dry, blowing behind me. When I think of how many other people around me are doing simple things like tucking their children into bed, checking locked doors, kissing their loved ones, having another beer with friends - it's calming. Suddenly everything seems a bit smaller and more attainable. Life doesn't seem so overwhelming and my to-do list, only half checked off, doesn't taunt me. I realize that I am. I am here. While there are things that I've bitched about today, reasons why I'd like to pick up my shit and go somewhere else, things that made me what to toss my arms up and scream, it all seems far away now.

This is something I do before I go to bed each night. I stop, I realize, I breathe. I think about everything around me. I zoom out to the people around me. Zoom out again to the whole city, the state, the continent. I am here, I did what I could today and that's enough. I write my 5 blessings down, put my notebook back in my drawer and turn off the light.

I'd love to hear where you are while you read this.

cha-ching

2011-06-08T11:24:00.000-04:00

It just seems to fall out of men's mouths, first subtly as in a suggestion towards their central park address. I politely smile and move on to another subject. Somehow, "where did you grow up" or "what do you like to do for fun" translates into an answer about what exotic place they spent their childhood and how they like to spend their weekends in the Hamptons (you know, very low-key). I don't really know how much more delicate I can be. Take my shrugging you off, not returning your calls and pretending to ignore you as a sign - you can't buy my love or attention.

I am well aware that I live in a city that revolves around what you wear, where you eat and what you look like, but when did men loose their manners and all sense of dating etiquette? Just because your opening your wallet to buy me a drink does not mean I owe you a goodnight kiss. Because you told me your apartment overlooks the city will not get you a second date, rather the opposite. Why does it seem like every man in New York City is willing to buy me Madison Avenue but no one is willing to hold the door?

Don't take me wrong, I appreciate being spoiled at times. I adore thoughtful cards and unexpected gifts. I do not however understand why men feel it necessary to explain to me at length the types of cars they drive, apartments they own and professional hierarchy. All it says is, you're insecure and you think that I value money over a personal relationship. How sad that I live in a place where women feed off of this information? You know what would really impress me? A phone call instead of a text, commenting on my laugh rather than my ass or offering a hand when I'm trying to climb (as smoothly as possible) out of a cab. As a single gal in New York City I just feel the need to put it out there for all the single men, it's not rocket since, it's romance.

guac-a-mole-me

2011-06-02T12:36:00.000-04:00

While in sunny Charleston, South Carolina over Memorial Day weekend, I celebrated a good friend's birthday. Her mum took her out for a 2 hour shopping trip so all of us visiting were able to get to the market and prep for the surprise party. I contributed with fresh guacamole which turned out better than I had anticipated. I went out on a whim having that this was the first time I was making it from scratch. I doubled the recipe since I was making it for a party of 10. It took 30 minutes (mostly because I was eating and talking between) and came out delish! I think I'm going to make another batch this weekend to enjoy in the park.

Ingredients
2 ripe avocados
1/2 red onion
1/2 tomato
1-2 serrano chilies or jalapeños
1 lime
2 tablespoons of cilantro leaves
coarse salt to taste
fresh grated black pepper to taste

Cut the avocados in half and remove the seed. Scoop avocado from peel. Usually I cut up the avocado into small pieces to make mashing easier. Place in mixing bowl and mash with a fork. Chop your onion, tomato and cilantro leaves, add to avocado. Remove the stems and seeds from your chilies or jalapeños and dice up. Add to mixing bowl to taste. Be sure to taste as you go so that you don't make it too spicy! Add salt and pepper to taste. Cut your lime in half and squeeze both halves into mixing bowl. Most of the recipe is done to taste because your fresh ingredients will vary. Enjoy!

arm candy

2011-05-19T07:51:00.001-04:00

So you see a guy at a bar. He's cute, stylish but not too stylish, seems normal and speaks well. You share a drink, some small talk. No girlfriend in sight, no wedding band. As he goes to order another drink you see it, his man jewelry. Not a watch but an actual bracelet that he's taken the time to select, purchase and put on this evening. Someone down the line told him, "No way man, that bracelet isn't feminine at all. It's cool." I'm here to tell you, you're friends are lying to you.

There are only two items of jewelry that a man should own. The first is a watch and the second is a wedding band. That's it, no exceptions. Man jewelry carries a distinct personality which completely cancels out that conversation we just had and instantly puts you in the friend zone.

Man jewelry tells me that you are conscious about what you wear and so conscious that you think you need a bracelet or necklace to feel like you've "completed your outfit." This means you probably take longer to get ready than I do. It says that you see yourself as masculine with a sensitive side. I don't want to know that up front. You can tell me all about your soft side on date 6, which mind you, you'll never make it to because of your man jewelry. Finally it tells me that some female in your life, either a past girlfriend or maybe even your own mother told you it looked okay. This bothers me most of all, it looks ridiculous. All of this leads up to the same end; you're not getting my number. Think of this as your own personal public announcement and soft nudge; leave your leather, gold and hemp bracelets at home.

flight risk

2011-05-18T07:19:00.000-04:00

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how excited or how wonderful the trip ahead of me is, about a week before I am set to leave I get in my head that if I get on the plane, something terrible will happen. I'm not scared of planes, trains, cars, etc. It's being unavailable for a period of time when they make you turn your phones off and knowing that to get back to wherever I need to be will take much more time and effort that I might not be capable of given the situation.

From my travels (which are not plenty) I've realized that I am one of those terrible itinerary people. I need to know where, when, how and why for all actions leading up for me to get on the plane, train or car. This was a problem a few years ago when I was heading to Killington, Vermont for a ski weekend where I was left without my answers. What was supposed to be a relaxing, stress-free birthday trip, left me with extreme anxiety and a miniature explosion from my boyfriend at the time who boasted, "Why can't you just let me handle it?"

So now, a week out of leaving for Charleston, South Carolina for Memorial Day the excessive list making and planning begin. Let me share with your some of the humorous steps I will go through: I will obsessively charge my phone, ipod and kindle. I will list of every item I need to bring and access which are deemed "southern appropriate." I will completely lose my appetite three days before my flight and live on coffee alone. I will read and re-read my plane itinerary 50 times convincing myself that I booked the wrong time or place. It's absolutely embarrassing but I've come to learn that I can't do anything but help balance out the stress with a good dose of humor. I know I'm ridiculous but at least I can laugh at myself.

let's get high

2011-05-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

Have you ever taken a drive and arrived at your destination without knowing how you got there? You try to remember the last few minutes, if you stopped at all the stop signs, if you ran any red lights, if you were speeding, but nothing registers. Your mind was obviously somewhere else. This is why I run.

I began running when I graduated. Half because I wanted to explore some of the city I was living in and half because I didn't want to pay the high costs of a gym membership. What I discovered was I had a similar phenomena of arriving at a destination without fully being aware of how I had gotten there. The run always begins the same way. The first 5-7 minutes are a physical and emotional battle. A laundry list of things I need to do, people I need to call back, work that I still need to finish rip though me. My muscles are cold and my ankles ache. I skip every song on my ipod. From minute 7-12 I start to find my step. I find myself listening to my breathing, becoming aware of the way my foot hits the pavement. After minute 12 until the point where I find myself at the end of my playlist, at the finish line of my run, I am completely blank. The easiest way for me to explain the feeling is when you wake up from a realistic dream and you can remember everything yet nothing about it. It resonates as good or bad but then nothing. Your memory escapes and you are just left with a feeling.

My feeling is best described as light. I called bullshit on the rumored "runners high" until I realized, that's exactly what my body and mind does when I set in my pace and breathing. The downfall is that my body is unable to register when I've pushed myself too far. I end my run without feeling tired or sore and head back home to stretch and relax. 30 minutes later I'm singing a different tune. I realize that I've worn blisters into my feet, my hips feel like they've been cracked in half and I'm so thirsty that it feels like I might drown with all the water I drink. There is a still a debate about the truth of a runners high. Why some experience it and some do not and which environments, measures of time, speed and overall health promote it. Luckily unlike my previous example of driving a car without remembering if you stopped at a red light, running doesn't put anyone else in danger. I can float along for 50 or so minutes left with a blissful feeling of lightness.

the naked truth

2011-04-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

Charlotte: I didn't grow up in a naked house.
Carrie: Well I didn't either.
Charlotte: {looking towards a naked woman in the locker room} I bet she grew up in a naked house.
Carrie: She might still live in a naked house.

"Sex and the City, Attack of the five foot ten woman"

Living in a city where roommates are a norm to break down the cost of rent, you learn to live along side other people's habits. Dishes in the sink, singing in the shower, sleep schedules, etc. But can nudity be grouped within this category or is it something all together separate? With the understanding that there are many situations that may change the opinion about this, take my own for instance. I live with a woman my own age. Someone I knew in college but wasn't exceptionally close with. Out of the two of us, I am the noted "naked roommate." Being scatterbrained and doing several things at once usually means I'm part getting ready, part on the phone, part eating and part trying to get dressed. I'm clumsy too, add this to the equation. I drop foundation daily which splatters all over the sink and usually onto myself. I catch my shirt and necklace in my hair brush when I blow dry my hair. I can't possibly put curlers in without burning my scalp and sweating to death from the unbearable heat. I feel comfortable walking around half dressed when I'm getting ready or say my self tanner is setting in but does this mean it's acceptable? Not always. I know that my lack of clothing doesn't offend my roommate but what if it did? How would that make me feel? When it comes to nudity, why are some of us more comfortable than others?

Is it sibling related; having brothers vs. sisters? Is it location specific; growing up in a warm vs. cold environment? Or is it religion and moral specific? For me it comes down to being comfortable with myself. Everyone has things they would like to change or improve upon but this understanding seems to even out the field. I think my opinion would change if I lived with someone who was less thrilled by my mindless nudity. (For the record I am usually in a bra and underwear out of respect!) Where do you yourself draw the line? Are you the naked roommate/housemate? Or are you the one shielding your eyes as your roommate bares all? Comments welcome :)

the wave

2011-04-25T09:24:00.001-04:00

The ocean is in constant motion. The surface of the ocean is pushed by the wind which creates movement at different speeds. As the air tumbles forward and the ocean moves to and fro, a circular motion is created. The downward and upward pressure cause a wave to form. The back of the wave tumbles forward but beneath the crest, the water moves towards the back to continue the cycle and to create a new wave.

If relationships are the ocean, it's only a matter of time until they build up and tumble forward. The wedding wave seems to be breaking all around me. Every time I blink it seems someone new is getting engaged and then married. Friends, friends-of-friends, family, family-through-friends. At 25 I can hardly accomplish half of what I need to in a weekend let alone plan a wedding and organize engagement, rehearsal and bachelor-type events. When did we grow up? When did these flings and boyfriends become fiancées and (pause) husbands? I can't help but feel like I'm being pulled by the undertow. You know that feeling when you're swimming out and suddenly you're a quarter of a mile away from where you started. You panic, you look for your friends, your towel, anything that looks familiar but the truth is, you're on a whole other beach.

I find it most amusing that I never ride out the waves in the ocean but dive beneath them. How many waves can you dive under until one comes alone so strong and powerful that it sweeps you up? When will I get tired of going against the current? How many waves will pass until one brings me back to shore?

I'm optimistic that as this wedding wave breaks, that there are plenty more waves to come. Some that I'll dive beneath, some that may pull me under and toss me back up and one that will push me safely back to shore. I may end up on another part of the beach all together but when I do, I'll make it home.

seasonal habits

2011-04-15T14:24:00.000-04:00

Every weekend seems to come and go faster than the previous one. I feel like the seasons here in

NYC influence my weekend routine more than anything else. Fall means football and Penn State alumni gatherings. I seem to spend more time reading and in coffee houses during this season than any other. Winter is used to lay low, a sort of hibernating with lovers and friends either in the comfort of your apartment or that of a warm bar. Spring slowly crawls in and everyone seems to wipe the cobwebs from their eyes, get back in touch with friends who have been M.I.A. all winter and break in new running sneakers. And then, there is a NYC summer. Every restaurant, store, bar and shop has their windows wide open. Drink and food specials last from 10 am until 4 am and the city buzzes with the sound of laughter and air conditioners. While I don't have a car here, I am blocks away from a train to take me to the shore whenever I need to escape and less blocks away from the park to sprawl out, throw a ball around and picnic with friends. Just thinking about summer makes me crave lemonade, fresh mussels and sunglasses. The weekends seem longer in the summer because the week seems so much shorter. Here's to counting down until hot summer days and warm summer nights. Have a wonderful weekend.

short story

2011-04-15T09:11:00.000-04:00

When exactly do you toss your leggings to the back of your dresser come spring? Do you wait until you see another baring all or are you the first one to break out your shorts and skirts with legs au naturel? The weather in NYC has been less than desirable lately but on those days that promise sun and a little bit of warmth I dream of stretching out on the park lawn. The problem with the beginning of spring though is winter skin. Months without sun exposure leaves my skin uneven. I plan to jump start my tan with lots of running outside and Jergens natural glow lotion. Out of all the self tanning lotions, I feel that this one smells the least strong. I 'water down' the lotion with a pump of perfumed lotion to make streaks less visible and to knock down the smell even more. I also have extremely sensitive skin and this is one of the only products that doesn't make me break out. What do you do to prep your skin for spring and summer to come?

at your fingertips

2011-04-13T15:19:00.000-04:00

I live in a city where psychics are a dime a dozen. There are 15 places one could go right around the corner from my apartment to get their future revealed. Once, at 15 years old, I had my palm read. It was at total random with my best friend Mallory while down the shore for a week. At 15 there is hardly much to do and we figured we could space $10 and a good laugh. The experience was light hearted and we both left wondering if anything she said would hold any weight later in life. I was told three main things about my future. 1. I would have a creative career path. 2. I would be asked to be married twice and the first time I should most definitely say no. 3. I would have twins.

At 15 I was planning on being a veterinarian. A creative career never crossed my mind because I instantly associated it with being a "starving artist." But here I am, 10 years later, a graphic designer. At 20 I was told that by senior year, my at the moment boyfriend was planning on asking me to marry him, I said no. 2 out of 3 seem to be pretty good odds and it makes me wonder, are these things happening because my conscious links them to the palm reading or were these things set out for me and completely out of my own control? What would of happened if she would have told me something terrible? Would that have affected me also or would I of been more reluctant to believe her because I didn't want it to be true? I know this sounds spacey and far out but it really does make you wonder. Later in life (much later I may add) if I do end up with twins I may have to track down the psychic. What do you think? Palm readings, tarot cards, magically crystal balls - believer or skeptic?

fish dish

2011-04-12T14:16:00.001-04:00

I'm not much in the kitchen past breakfast foods. However in hopes of eating better and crossing off a personal 'to-do' of learning to cook, last night I prepared panko crusted tilapia for dinner. The entire dish took 30 minutes to make from start to finish and was easy as can be. It was also not only edible but delish. I escaped with only one burn on my hand. The dish cost about $8 which if you know about NYC, you can't even get a sandwich under that for lunch. Here's the recipe I used but mostly just for the ingredients. Once you get it all on the table, it just makes sense how to go about it. I also did not bake my dish but broiled it because it took only 7 minutes per side and everything I bake, burns. Enjoy!

monday dash

2011-04-11T09:43:00.000-04:00

Monday morning madness...you know what I'm talking about. When you get snooze 6 times only to realize that you have exactly 14 minutes to shower, do your makeup and hair, have breakfast, dress and scoot out the door. Monday is always a rush for one big, fat reason; Sunday. Sunday which brings the heavy of all those things you meant to do Saturday but didn't do because you were too busy socializing or sleeping in. It's inevitable that Sunday night I can never fall asleep. I think about all the things I didn't get to and all the things I need to do for the upcoming week. My professor in college had a motto that went; worry in order. I'm adopting it as my own. It puts some sort of organization to all the craziness. Happy Monday everyone and if you do have to worry, worry in an orderly fashion.

perfect pair

2011-04-11T00:25:00.000-04:00

Whenever I'm at dinner or thinking about making dinner it always stumps me on which wine to pair with which food. I had clipped out a cheat sheet from a magazine years ago which I recently found again and thought I'd put to good use. It's simple, useful pairings makes selecting a wine easy as can be. I'm sure there are tons of opinions about which could be flip flopped but for now, this will do. Enjoy!

red in a book

2011-04-05T11:15:00.000-04:00

In January I posted about my "blessed journal" where I was writing down 5 things at the end of each day that I was happy for. I was using a ratty small notebook that for a while was lost in the move, found again, spilled on (tea before bed), etc. For my birthday my wonderful roommate, Valerie gifted me with the Kate Spade "Spade Journal" which now has replaced the old journal. The fabric cover with gold stamped spade is the perfect addition to my bedside collection. I'm not a fan of books that aren't spiral because I feel the pages fall out too easily but because I'm not using it for more that a few minutes a day, this one will probably last the test of time. Thank you Valerie.

pulling at the seams

2011-04-04T09:24:00.001-04:00

Isn't it funny that you never realize how cruel the universe can be until something really gets under your skin and you can't seem to escape it? People ask you questions that spark unkind feelings, a simple lag in response time makes you want to pull your hair out and you swear the coffee guy knows that you didn't sleep by the way that he assumes you want a large coffee rather than a small this morning. Everything seemed dramatic and overly played out this weekend. To the point where I actually stopped this morning in the middle of the sidewalk and said 'really?' aloud to no one other than 'the universe' for casting a slew of heart pulling music to my ipod. I spent half the weekend trying to avoid myself and the other half in bed. Just because I'm 25 doesn't mean I still don't deal with things as if I'm 14 when the mood strikes. Thank goodness though for friends who never do sleep (Mallory), kind bartenders who make sure you have extra bread for your mussels (Flex Mussels) and people who can actually understand you through tears and that terrible hyperventilating snob/nose blowing (Mallory, again). Dare I say that I was looking forward to work knowing that I'd be distracted from myself for at least a few hours today. It's funny how no matter how many relationships I have, friendships come and go and situations which are less than desirable, my heart still breaks the same. I still worry about things and people I can't change. I ignore, ignore, ignore until sometimes like some asshole stealing your favorite leather jacket (you'll get your karma whoever you are) pushes you right over the edge. This week is about getting back on track - gym, laundry, blog, self. I feel like once this weather breaks everything will mend itself, I hope it breaks soon.

best birthday wishes

2011-03-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

Today is my dad's birthday. Without getting crazy mushy on everyone I'm just going to make a simple list of the top 10 memories with my dad. Pictured above; Dad, my sister Danielle (in the stroller waving hi) and I (look at my purple shoe laces!)

10. Always remembering what food to keep in the house when I am home
9. His ability to fix anything I hand him
8. Driving home with him from Manhattan listening to Van Morrison and Pink Floyd
7. Playing in the ocean when I was young and him teaching me how to jump over/dive under the waves
6. "Jeffukkah" 2010 - this was his week long birthday celebration last year
5. Baking baklava for class together in middle school.
4. Pulling up to pick my sister up in college with TI's "Top Back" blaring from the car
3. Preparing the traditional Polish meals together around Christmas
2. Going to the market and him showing/teaching me how to cook different foods
1. Making snow people in winter storms together

We're celebrating at DBGB tonight and then I'll be in Pennsylvania for the rest of the weekend with my family. Can't wait :)

think positive

2011-03-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

your worst day only lasts 24 hours

the big picture

2011-03-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

You can always rely on three things when it comes to relationships; there will always be a Big, there will always be an Aidan, and you will always be caught in between the two. This reason alone allowed Sex and the City to live on for six seasons and two movies. Everyone can relate to the feeling of Carrie when she teeters on the edge between the two men. You feel bad for Aidan because he's the nice guy who just wants her all to himself. However, it's his own insecurities that leak poision into their relationship. And you hate Big for dragging Carrie through the mud but you always applaud the scenes where they work it out and something as stupid as red balloons on her birthday make you weep. Dating in Manhattan, much like the show, is a circus. Full of classic bad boys, established men from 'far, far away' places like Connecticut and those random cute guys who look normal and interested until their girlfriends return from the powder room. So what happens when you are caught between your own Aidan and Big? Do you sit comfortably with Aidan in hopes for smooth sailing and the simple life? Or do you risk it all, put it all on the table for a chance with Big who could up and leave you ruined at the end? Everyone knows that in the end Carrie and Big work it out but 'you can't believe everything you see on tv' so what's a twenty-something girl to do but carry on and hope for the best.

xxv

2011-03-09T14:53:00.000-05:00

I'm such a bad blogger. I do however have an excuse and it's a good one! Yesterday was my birthday and all weekend was spent celebrating with friends and family which left me zero time to blog. In honor of my 25th birthday I am listing out 25 goals for the year ahead. Some serious, some a little ridiculous. Also a very big shout out to everyone who helped welcome me to year 25 of my life. You all mean the world to me and I love you so much.

1. Travel more
2. Make less excuses (oh crap, a bad start but I will get better)
3. Go to more flea markets/antique fairs
4. Spend more time kissing
5. Train for the NYC marathon
6. Write more thank you notes
7. Learn to moon walk
8. Do more yoga
9. Keep up with this blog
10. Visit the ballet
11. Take ballet
12. Make it to the beach come summer
13. Get a promotion at work
14. Donate more of my items
15. Spend less time being hungover
16. Drink way less sugar
17. Get my allergies (to almost everything) figured out
18. Pay off my credit card
19. Procrastinate less
20. Spend more time with my sister
21. Go horseback riding more
22. Learn to cook all the dessert recipes I save
23. Keep up with my journal (nerdy, I know)
24. Take a cooking class
25. Make more friends

looking back

2011-02-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

Ever stop and think about where you are currently in your life, how you got there and where you came from? That's the type of spell I was under all weekend. I believe it was the juxtaposition of being surrounded by old and new friends who have come from such different places in my life. I've been calling this stage of my life the 'between' because I am literally between the good and bad and the hard and easy. I keep finding myself in situations where I feel like I'm either in a fairy tale or a horror movie. I've realized that somethings change and then some people never do. I was taken to the beautiful 21 Club for dinner with an amazing group of new friends. It's funny how things change, how you get from one place to another and how far you have yet to go. As I quickly approach my 25th birthday, there will be much more change to come. My gift to myself is working on positive change, with positive situations and people around me. Goodbye bad karma, out with the bad, in with the good.

white out

2011-02-23T10:56:00.000-05:00

Finding a balance between white space and information is a daily design problem that needs solving. A recent project involved putting together a look book for a new fashion brand out of New York. The photography is beautiful, the models are exotic and stunning and the clothing is detailed and tailored to a 'T'. The only problem is the communication and explanation of why white space is necessary and vital for the line to speak clearly to the viewer. Pulling the viewers eye back and forth, across and up, and back again to the center. I've learned that explaining white space to a non design mind is like teaching Portuguese to a three year old. So what to do; sacrifice the book and my design knowledge or try to politely explain that I know what I'm doing, again. I wouldn't climb across an accountant's desk and try to tell them how to do their job. So please, don't climb across mine via email. Trust me, I won't let you down.

cuba in february

2011-02-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

It seems to be a bit of a trend here for my weekends to end up at specialized, themed restaurants and bars. This past Saturday was spent tucked away in the lower east side of Manhattan at the rum social club, Cienfuegos. I was turned on to the spot by my roommate's boyfriend, Tom. So we climbed into a cab and off we went. Greeted by a life-size Virgin Mary bronze fountain, stadium wall seats and swanky bartenders, I felt like I was transported to Cuba in the mid summer. After a quick "Brooklynite" at the bar, a smooth mix of honey, rum and lime, we went upstairs to our table to enjoy a Isla Punch bowl and Cuban hors d'oeuvres. Not only were the drinks and food absolutely wonderful, the decor of the place was out of a dream. From the owners of Death & Co and Mayahuel, this place is another hit. Like Pravda, the door is strict so arrive early (no reservations taken) and know that this place is worth the wait. I can't wait to go back!

exs & ohs

2011-02-14T07:09:00.001-05:00

I never gave Valentine's Day a thought but this morning as I made my way into work and looked in the 20+ cafes, pharmacies and stores decked out in red and pink, I couldn't help but laugh at myself decked out in all black. What a terrible mistake to make! It's an odd feeling to not have someone to snuggle up to today but at the very same time, it's weirdly refreshing. Not because I'm getting all 'single girl power' on myself but because I found that Valentine's day was actually more upsetting when there was someone there and the day fell flat because there were zero surprises or extra kisses waiting for me. I'm a simple girl; no flash, no rose petals, no little blue boxes needed. But a funny card and a trip to the movies goes a very long way. So now I wonder, how will my very first single Valentine's day pan out in (dare I say it…) around 7 years! I'm going to treat myself to a cupcake covered in pink frosting and red and white sprinkles later (thanks to my wonderful roommate) and dive into a new read. Low key and perfectly fine with me. To everyone else, Happy Valentine's Day! Kisses from NYC - hope you all have a wonderful day! xx

Сюрприз! (Surprise!)

2011-02-09T17:44:00.001-05:00

Time has gotten away from me again. Between my absurd hours at work, moving and social outings, I've been ignoring this blog. During all the craziness of the past few weeks I was able to successfully plan a surprise birthday for my best friend. The party happened at Pravda, a russian vodka bar in Soho with 14 of our closest friends. It's nearly impossible to pull one over on him and if you know me, I'm terrible at keeping secrets. With the two combined, it's amazing this party even happened. I highly recommend you visit Pravda at least once. I'll be going back for sure in the near future. Dine on the Zakouski platter and sip on any of their wonderful martinis (extra dirty vodka martini for this gal). Make sure you call ahead though, the place fills up quick and the doors is strict.

déjà vu

2011-02-03T17:58:00.000-05:00

Do you believe in reincarnation? I think in a previous life I lived in Paris, wore gowns, drank champagne, ate macarons and lived in a gold gilded chateau. I dream of the chance to up and leave to move to Paris. Funny how this is a dream yet I've never visited. I just feel like it would be much more my pace.

this is the life

2011-02-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

One always cuts into another, sometimes they blend and sometimes they are like water and oil. I've met some of my very best friends through design. I can say that about 85% of my friends are indeed, designers themselves. It's an odd bond over late nights, creative director swap stories, design nightmares and (hopeful) successes. But when does it because too mixed? When do you but your foot down and say, enough. Sleep for 17 hours straight, fill up on food (because heaven knows you don't get a lunch break) and finally see your friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/lover because you've been pulling 15 hour days and you haven't seen the light of day in 3 weeks straight. Is that part of this creative lifestyle? Did I ask for this when I applied to graphic design in college? Does one happy client equal relief from seven who have the "only child syndrome"? Is this why designers burn out at a mere 35 years old? All of these questions swim around in my head this morning as I get in at 6AM only to work another 15 hour day without the hope of relief, food, sleep or a social life for the next three days straight. But at least I'll have a rocking portfolio, right?….

newbies

2011-02-01T08:15:00.001-05:00

I just can't get enough of this photo. New friends are just so much fun. :)

maxed out

2011-01-27T15:47:00.001-05:00

Obviously it's been snowing quite a lot, it's all anyone is talking about. I'm trying to make a conscious decision each morning to not let that influence my outfit. I saw the winter maxi look first here and then every time I saw the look, it haunted me. Sort of the same issue I had with the shorts with tights - I love it but when I put it on, I felt silly. But in honor of the blizzard last night and the fact that my favorite jeans are in the laundry - I put on my maxi skirt and off I went. I'm not sure how others feel about it but I think it's fun, comfy and different from my normal daily wear. So today I'm wearing black leather english riding boots, a black maxi skirt, black fitted tank, oversized purple knit and a knotted brown leather belt around my waist. I tied the look off with a clean bun and a cat eye.

L&L

2011-01-25T17:04:00.000-05:00

I've been working like a mad woman lately and feel like I have been living at the office. The only things that keep me going are that 80% of my clients are awesome and that when things come back from print I get to gush my little heart out. I stop from time to time to pull inspiration to keep for those moments where my brain freezes up and I need visual stimulation to reboot. Today is lingerie and Luxe's city guides. I really dig this girls hair and her awkward stance. The Luxe books are so simply designed but so eye catching and iconic. {heart}

and we won't stop, cuz we can't stop

2011-01-25T12:20:00.001-05:00

My love for hip hop music now has an outlet. Visit the new tumblr for music, video, articles and photo updates. Along with fellow Penn State design alum, Amanda Kloos and Thomas Wilder, we'll try to bring you the latest and greatest daily. xx

c'est la vie

2011-01-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

I officially moved this weekend to the Upper West Side in Manhattan. We handed in our keys on Sunday and it felt semi-ceremonial closing the door to that apartment one last time and opening a new chapter of my life. The weekend before the move I painted my room a cool silver blue. Half the reason I selected the color was because of the name, French Silver. I'm into everything Parisian, more so lately than normal. The hues in the photos above are spot on for the feeling of my new, slightly smaller, bedroom. Once I am able to get rid of a few items, like this pink desk and find my dream desk, it'll be perfect. Oh and of course find a chandelier because with 12' ceilings, why not?

a diamond, a dozen

2011-01-20T12:00:00.001-05:00

Brilliant and beautiful. I currently use a silverware caddy in my drawer as a jewelry divider but this one is so much more fun. This way everything won't slide all the way to the back when pull the drawer open. Another way to organize without adding bulk to the top of my already full dresser.

vacation meets stay-cation

2011-01-20T10:07:00.000-05:00

Every year at the end of January I seem to think winter is almost over. I cross my fingers and toes that soon it'll warm up enough to wear sandals and be able to walk outside without getting hit with a cold blast of air. And every year, it never happens because the season is only half way through. So this is also the time where I start planning my dream escapes and adventures. LA, Thailand, Spain, Paris, etc. etc. I just want to hop on a plane and say 'adios' to the gray weather in NYC. I've been so terribly busy at work and with moving that I am planning a stay-cation. A blissful weekend of doing all those things that I say I'm going to do but never find the time to. Ice skating, back to back spin classes, trips to MoMa, coffee shops galore, reading the stack of unread New York Mags and lots and lots of sleep. Hopefully this stay-cation happens sooner than later, I need some R&R even if that means right here in my new Upper West Side apartment.

wash me away

2011-01-19T07:27:00.000-05:00

If you know me as a designer, you know that I love watercolor washes. I can sit for days bleeding colors into one another. It's the imperfection, texture and transparency that I absolutely can't get enough of. While working on some washes for a client yesterday, I went home to search for some long lost swipes of color. I found a zillion but there was something about this little piece that I really loved. What a perfect shade of blue, especially that little bright spot on the middle left hand side. Straight to my heart.

a new york minute

2011-01-18T17:55:00.000-05:00

While waiting for friends, I stopped to have a glass of wine and enjoy a New York moment at Todd English's Ça Va. Sitting in the lounge in a floor length black dress and heels that set me up to 5'9'' (comically because I'm only 5'4''), I was able to have one of those wonderful wow moments where everything seemed to line up perfectly and I actually felt like I finally fit in this crazy city. A perfect way to start a wonderful evening and weekend.

country chic

2011-01-18T09:42:00.000-05:00

Two of my favorite things are in this photo, a gray horse & a chandelier. Safe to say that if I were still riding I'd be bugging my father to hang one in the barn. I've been an equestrian for going on 14 years now. My mother introduced me to the sport and a mere month later I had my first pony. She looked much like the pony in this photo. She was a DuPont pony who had more fire in here than I knew at the time. She always took good care of me though, only dumping me off a handful of times, never too hard. Although that's easy to say now with all the bumps and bruises healed. From her it was a spiral of horses; Libby (Thoroughbred), Digger (Quarter horse), Michael (Thoroughbred although he looked more like an Appendix) and for a few months there was Groovy (Thoroughbred) who was a random Christmas gift from my mom. I think back and growing up in the middle of horse country I thought it was pretty normal to have the luxury of riding my own horse whenever I wanted. Now I understand how lucky I was to have, and still have, this experience at my fingertips. With the weather as terrible as it is right now, I'm looking forward to the spring and trips back to Pennsylvania to ride.

it's black, it's white

2011-01-12T17:04:00.001-05:00

Seems like the theme of the week is black and white. Every photo I am drawn too, every illustration, my own wardrobe, everything - black and white. I find this humorous because if you know me personally I'm much more of a bright pink (sassy pink as some of you know) type of person. I think it may have something to do with the snow lately. Everything looks so stark and clean. I love waking up early to see the perfectly covered rooftops and balconies out my window. Above are three pieces that I pulled today which back me up. I really want a dress like that; so simple and so beautifully cut in the back. Wishing everyone safe travels home this Wednesday evening. xx

snow delay

2011-01-10T22:33:00.000-05:00

It's all over the news that a huge snow storm is rolling in this evening. I'm hoping for a snow day from work to spend all day in bed. Who wouldn't want to crawl in next to this guy? A girl can dream...

finding time

2011-01-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

I can never find enough time in the day. For example, not being able to update this blog as much as I'd like. One thing I am trying to make more time for is thanking my friends and family for their endless love and support. Dropping a little letter in the mail to my sister to remind her of how proud I am or cooking dinner for a friend who traveled all the way to Hoboken (it's not that far!) to hang out goes a long way. It amazes me how many genuine people I have in my life. Being able to pick up the phone to work out a problem, issue or just to have some company means the world to me. Last fall I started a 'blessed journal' where every night I write down 5 things I am blessed to have in my life. These things range from 'a good cup of coffee' to 'my mother's endless support and advice.' It's such a simple thing to do and it makes me realize, no matter how long, testing or stressful my day has been, there are good things all around me that I am grateful for. I'm not a religious person but these are silent thank yous to the people around me and reminders of how wonderful I do have it.
A very special thank you to those four of you who follow my blog, thank you for your encouragement and sweet feedback! xo

shades of white

2011-01-07T16:11:00.000-05:00

While my illustrator saves a project I thought I'd pop over for a Friday hello. It's been snowing all day here in NYC leaving the city pretty, quiet and very movie-esque. Above is a mood board for the day. Too cold to wear something like this but it reminds me of what snow looks like when it falls; shading everything white but still being transparent rather than opaque. Have a wonderful weekend. xo

things that bump in the night

2011-01-06T11:44:00.000-05:00

For two years now I've delt with the pitter-patter of feet and 3 am wake up calls from crying and tantrums, otherwise known as the upstairs neighbors.The hardwood floors in our apartment are beautiful but seem to be paper thin. We've learned to remove our shoes once we get home and to be cautious when moving around early in the morning or late at night, however the neighbors upstairs have not been so polite. Yes I understand there is only so much you can do to keep a child from making noise and that I may feel different once I have children of my own but here's what it breaks down to: I pay way too much money in rent to listen to your child throw itself on the floor and scream bloody murder because she isn't getting her way. We've tried to bang on the ceiling slightly when it gets out of control, we've spoken to our landlord and talked to the mother but to no avail, the running, screaming, tantruming continues. The phenomenon of how this thirty pound child can make this much noise blows me away every time I see her. The building I live in is of young professionals ages 23-32. We all have friends over and are sometimes noisy but also making sure those around us have notice and openly welcome kind reminders to keep the music level appropriate. The only excuse I get from the upstairs neighbor is "but I have a child" with a hand to her chest as if she's explaining that my twenty-something brain can't possibly grasp this great sacrifice she has made. I usually smile and politely excuse myself from the awkward elevator rides or laundry room confessions. I'm hoping for normal, barely there neighbors in the future and dare I say it, no children.

what'll it be?

2010-12-29T17:12:00.000-05:00

I'm always envious when in a movie, there is a perfectly stocked bar in an apartment. Would you like a nightcap? Done. Would you prefer a gin or vodka martini? Tada. So this post is a simple list of how to easily stock your own personal bar with the essentials. The list was taken from a few blogs, additional websites and my own minimal bartending knowledge. There were a lot of hardware items I've left off, I hardly use a cocktail shaker but I figured this may be useful for others. I also didn't include any juices because none of my friends or I use them as mixers. Tonic and club soda fly fine with us but make your own amends and of course comments and tips are always welcome and encouraged! Cheers!

Hardware:
If you want to measure out your cocktails a really great set of hardware can be purchased here. I'm more accustom to free pouring which breaks down to a count per 1/4 oz.

Standard Shaker - Metal is best. The shakers with rubber for 'better grip' just stick and become more of a mess than anything.
Corkscrew - Go with an original design and nothing fancy. Odds are you're going to break up the cork with anything special and who wants cork with their wine, not me!

Spirits:
A bottle or so of each. If you drink more of one than another, double up on that and do a small bottle of the others. No need to overstock, no one (in Manhattan anyway) has extra room.

Vodka, Gin, Bourbon, Tequila, Whiskey, Scotch or Rye and Rum - light or dark, your choice of poison

Liqueurs:
Cointreau/Triple Sec - Depending on what you want to pay
Dry Vermouth/Sweet Vermouth - Depending on how you drink your martinis

Wine:
Again this depends on your personal taste. We drink more red than white but it's good to have both for company.

Other:
Simple Syrup, Grenadine - Rose's is my personal favorite, Lemon Juice, Lime Juice - Again, Rose's it's the best!, Tonic, Club Soda, Martini Olives, Maraschino cherries and Coarse Salt

self resolving

2010-12-29T14:54:00.000-05:00

resolving: to reduce by analysis {resolve the problem into simple elements}
I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions. Usually if I do they are simple and attainable. Last year it was to drink less soda and to take care of my skin and body. Well having that I don't drink much soda as it is, that was easy. I began a new skin regime and worked on cooking more at home and eating out less, as well as running more and then joining a gym once the weather dropped. This year, I'm simplifying even more: be polite. Open doors, hold doors, say thank you, say you're welcome, say bless you, offer more help, hold your tongue, smile more, become more aware of those around me (don't zone out on an ipod, interact instead), etc. I think that by simply saying, be polite, covers a lot of areas in my life that I'd like to work on. There will always be small resolutions like swear less (obviously that doesn't reflect in this post) and dance more but I think that being polite is one of the most important traits a person can work on. Here's to a healthy and happy 2011!

hello, I live here

2010-12-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

As previous posted, I loath moving. However sometimes you do find a gem and it's worth the hassle. In respect to my roommate and best friend, I tried to be open about finding a new place to live. The catch was that I would go see a place after she had already pre-screened it with hopes that no one would be wasting their time. Leave it to Valerie to find a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment in one of my favorite parts of the city, the Upper West Side. An avenue from the park and steps away from my favorite thai, book store and coffee shop, we were home. Within the next few weeks we will be relocating to our new place. Luckily there is a overlap with leases in which we can get over to the new apartment and paint and decorate before all the boxes and furniture arrive. I've been busy drawing up inspiration boards for each room (to be posted soon), pulling pantone swatches (to match paint to of course) and obsessing over chandeliers. Side note: Valerie's first words about the apartment were, "The ceilings are high enough for chandeliers, you are going to love it!" She knows exactly how to hook me! So as much as I tantrumed and moaned, I think this will be a good thing. Thank you Valerie, I'm very excited to still have you as a roommate and be able to move into a blissful Upper West Side apartment.

the weather outside

2010-12-26T11:13:00.001-05:00

Finally snow! I'm bundled up here in Pennsylvania waiting for the storm that's going to blowing though. With no responsibilities other than to make coffee, read and hang out with the family, I am more than thrilled to watch the snow fall. I hope everyone is enjoying their own holiday break. I think I'll set up camp in front of our own fireplace today, seems like a completely appropriate way to spend the day :o)

a dress with an agenda

2010-12-26T00:48:00.000-05:00

So it begins, the search for the perfect dress. It needs to say so many things but only those which are appropriate for the occasion. Is it black, cream or blue? Does it have lace, embellishments or beading? Short or long? I'm a full believer in less is more but I doubt that's a good mantra for this occasion. I'm excited for the snow but hoping it wraps up sooner than later. Ice, slush and road salt does not mix well with heels, a dress and a few cocktails. Wouldn't it be fun if it were appropriate and full-on expected to wear full gowns and tuxedos out all the time? I would toss something like the gown above on and zip out for a night on the town. I D-I-E (Rachel Zoe voice) for guys in tuxedos and live for reasons to go all out with hair, makeup and clothing. Maybe there's a trend in this somewhere or maybe I'm just ridiculous. Either way the hunt is on and it's an important one - it's the first date outfit.

concrete jungle

2010-12-26T00:02:00.000-05:00

This article is so spot on about how I feel about NYC. It's a love/hate relationship and we all are aware of my commitment issues. I'm 'locked' in for at least one more year but hey, you never know what could happen. Here's my favorite quote of the article because I am always so ready to get out but as soon as I do, I want back in. "Go home and feel relieved to be away from the energy of the city, that punishing 4:00 a.m. last call. Spend the first two days eating and sleeping, getting back to normal. Spend the last two days feeling anxious and ready to get back to your real home. Realize this city has you by the balls and isn’t going to let you go."

back to my roots

2010-12-25T22:54:00.001-05:00

Isn't it ironic? I colored my hair back to its natural color and then everywhere I look, bold, beautiful blondes. Sigh, I have such hair envy but it had to happen. To add fuel to the fire this blog came along. I look forward to the return of my blonde locks but for now I'll be rocking au naturel.

table for one

2010-12-21T10:18:00.000-05:00

So that chair from yesterday? This is its match made in heaven. I first set my eyes on the mirrored vanity in Carrie Bradshaw's apartment in sex and the city. I would like to add one to my bedroom as a vanity/desk. I think my mac and the shabby chic chair are perfect accessories to this beauty. It's going to be hell to keep clean but I'm up for the challenge. I think it'd really open up the space and to defend my purchase, it doubles as a mirror to check out my outfit about shoes to high thigh. So useful, ha!

have a seat

2010-12-20T12:50:00.000-05:00

The search for the perfect skeleton of a Louis XV chair is on. This is the first of many design goals I'm setting for the year. The top 4 photos are fabric pulls which I'd love to use as inspiration for what I will recover my chair with. The problem is, which each inspiration piece I find, the more excited I get and the less I am able to focus in on what I want the final result to be. Do I want it very bright? Do I want velvet? Do I want a pattern vs. a solid and do I illustrate my own fabric? So many decisions but I'm so excited to get started. The first step is to find the perfect skeleton. I'm open to the shape and whether or not the chair has arms or not. I'm obsessed with making my own custom design. Whether it be artwork, pillows or painting a desk, I just want it to be a one-of-a-kind masterpiece. I'll be hitting some flea markets while I'm in PA this holiday season, and thank goodness, able to use a car to haul myself and my finds around rather than the subway. If you know of anyone getting rid of a similar chair, PLEASE let me know!

on the hunt

2010-12-20T09:33:00.001-05:00

They say you're always searching for a boyfriend, a job or an apartment in Manhattan. I'm newly single but fine with that and all set on the job front but the third… I'm not sure. Apartment shopping in the big apple is absolute hell if I may say so. Full of sketchy landlords, pushy brokers, weirdo neighbors and the fear of bedbugs make the whole experience stressful and annoying. Not to mention, I have extremely high standards when it comes to where I live. I want a place which I won't mind investing my own time and money into to make it beautiful. But I don't want to do this crammed in a 'two bedroom' (which most of the time means one bedroom which an office or mudroom) on the upper 'whatever' side. I currently reside in Hoboken, NJ which, while I know there are some judgements because it's Jersey, I really do love. The people are young professionals all hailing from college not ready to grow up yet. Sunday means 'Sunday Funday' full of football, boozy brunch and the green beach. And every ma and pop shop is full of crazy Italian men who call you 'bella' and wave hello when you walk past because they never forget your face. So do I take the plunge and move or do I stay? I dream of the day where I can just have my own little house where I am free to decorate and redecorate to my own liking without the neighbors child upstairs running rampant at 6 am or with the smoke from next door seeping into my vents. What to do, what to do.