arm candy

So you see a guy at a bar. He's cute, stylish but not too stylish, seems normal and speaks well. You share a drink, some small talk. No girlfriend in sight, no wedding band. As he goes to order another drink you see it, his man jewelry. Not a watch but an actual bracelet that he's taken the time to select, purchase and put on this evening. Someone down the line told him, "No way man, that bracelet isn't feminine at all. It's cool." I'm here to tell you, you're friends are lying to you.

There are only two items of jewelry that a man should own. The first is a watch and the second is a wedding band. That's it, no exceptions. Man jewelry carries a distinct personality which completely cancels out that conversation we just had and instantly puts you in the friend zone.

Man jewelry tells me that you are conscious about what you wear and so conscious that you think you need a bracelet or necklace to feel like you've "completed your outfit." This means you probably take longer to get ready than I do. It says that you see yourself as masculine with a sensitive side. I don't want to know that up front. You can tell me all about your soft side on date 6, which mind you, you'll never make it to because of your man jewelry. Finally it tells me that some female in your life, either a past girlfriend or maybe even your own mother told you it looked okay. This bothers me most of all, it looks ridiculous. All of this leads up to the same end; you're not getting my number. Think of this as your own personal public announcement and soft nudge; leave your leather, gold and hemp bracelets at home.