Everyone deals with change differently. Some embrace it, some go unfazed and some, like myself, bottle up their anxiety and resistance against it until finally some unlucky soul has to deal with the overflow. There's been so much change lately that I feel like I'm on a moving platform. You know the ones at the airport that allow you to move more quickly to get from gate to gate? I'm constantly hopping from one to another and in the middle when I'm actually on the steady ground I'm left with the feeling that the ground is still moving beneath me.
It began in July with a new job. Not only a new job but a whole other aspect of design. Once that felt semi-manageable, there was the semi-break-up of my quasi-boyfriend. In an emotional cul-de-sac, it mutually ended due to irreconcilable differences. With that change was the friction of friends involved that I didn't see coming. Soon thereafter came the announcement that my fabulous roommate was moving out and moving in with her boyfriend. I straddled a line of being extremely happy for her and extremely anxious over the thought of having to move. Add in November and the holidays to follow. While some begin to play holiday music the day after Halloween, I am one of those that avoids it all together. Your parents tell you that your cat got hit by a car and this is your first Christmas where your sister isn't staying home with you at your parents but rather at her own home. Finally add in meeting someone who for the first time in the longest time makes Miss Control (me) feel completely out of control.
Everything always seems so minuscule once it's over and dealt with. Fears and anxieties fade, plans are set and achieved. To-do lists get made, added to and finally crossed off. Not one to make resolutions that can easily be phased out within a week or even a month I feel that there is one to be made for the year. In most situations I realize that I find myself wanting to control every aspect and the outcome. The truth is I can't control them. I know this yet still I dwell. I dwell on the things I can not control, the people I can not reach, the situations that I can not change. This year and going forward I will keep in mind that what's done is done. The past is the past and while it amounts to the present, it doesn't have to influence it. Sometimes I just have to let go. This is me, letting go little by little. Happy 2012.
It began in July with a new job. Not only a new job but a whole other aspect of design. Once that felt semi-manageable, there was the semi-break-up of my quasi-boyfriend. In an emotional cul-de-sac, it mutually ended due to irreconcilable differences. With that change was the friction of friends involved that I didn't see coming. Soon thereafter came the announcement that my fabulous roommate was moving out and moving in with her boyfriend. I straddled a line of being extremely happy for her and extremely anxious over the thought of having to move. Add in November and the holidays to follow. While some begin to play holiday music the day after Halloween, I am one of those that avoids it all together. Your parents tell you that your cat got hit by a car and this is your first Christmas where your sister isn't staying home with you at your parents but rather at her own home. Finally add in meeting someone who for the first time in the longest time makes Miss Control (me) feel completely out of control.
Everything always seems so minuscule once it's over and dealt with. Fears and anxieties fade, plans are set and achieved. To-do lists get made, added to and finally crossed off. Not one to make resolutions that can easily be phased out within a week or even a month I feel that there is one to be made for the year. In most situations I realize that I find myself wanting to control every aspect and the outcome. The truth is I can't control them. I know this yet still I dwell. I dwell on the things I can not control, the people I can not reach, the situations that I can not change. This year and going forward I will keep in mind that what's done is done. The past is the past and while it amounts to the present, it doesn't have to influence it. Sometimes I just have to let go. This is me, letting go little by little. Happy 2012.
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