a new york heart

There are people everywhere. There is construction, shopping bags, fire hydrants, taxi cabs, traffic signs, mailboxes, pigeons and umbrellas. Bikers that race by, runners that clip your shoulder. Smokers who blow out just as you pass and dog owners that don't pick up droppings. No wonder New Yorkers walk around with their heads down, sunglasses on and rounded shoulders. We're constantly protecting ourselves from what is spinning around us.

This is the only city I've lived in but visiting others I've taken a few notes. Chicago's people walk around and smile at each other. Philadelphians puff their chests out in a very confident, "no-mess" attitude way. The people in Denver seem to move in slow motion with shoulders down and a heaviness to each step. Everyone in LA wears heels or sneakers so they seem to bounce along the sidewalks. New York stands alone with the curve of the spine, shoulders hunched and forward march look. This morning while riding the elevator up to the 16th floor in the Empire State Building where I work I suddenly had the urge to bend half way over on one foot and extend my hands towards the back wall. Otherwise known as warrior three in yoga.

Since my upswing of practice I've been noticing big and subtle differences in the way my body moves. One of the biggest changes however is my posture. I'm conscious to push my back into a chair and not slouch, to walk with shoulders down by back and not up to my ears, to look others in the eye and not avoid small smiles or conversation starters. But walking quickly into work this morning I arrived tense and protected, awaiting for someone to run into me or play dodge with tourists entering the building. I pulled my shoulders away from my ears and pressed my chest forward. Some of the most difficult situations we put ourselves in are when we are vulnerable. It's much easier to stay on guard and protect everything you have. However then you don't grow, you don't trip a little and know that next time you need to be more aware of your surroundings, you don't learn a thing.

As a very long, stressful week wraps up I move into the weekend which are typically harder for me than the week. Filling my time with work, yoga and errands seem to space out during Saturday and Sunday and leave me feeling vulnerable and like I have endless time on my hands. There's no need to protect myself from this feeling. Why are we so scared to be alone with ourselves? It's just you.

patience

 

"Patience is not about suffering through discomfort but acknowledging the feelings that arise and greeting them with grace, kindness and acceptance."

Jenny, September 5th

lucky

I walked down the subway steps at Marcy Avenue yesterday and caught the eye of a guy about my age. He was at the bottom clearly waiting for someone, something. He smiled - his whole body smiled. For a split second I thought that he was of course waiting for me but soon realized that I've never seen this person before. His girlfriend trotted down from the steps into his arms. The kissed in the way that seemed comfortable but also a bit passionate. I felt a bit embarrassed to witness their public display of affection. Maybe because I'm ultra sensitive to everything right now, especially people touching.

I thought it was so nice that he waited for her. A simple, small gesture. I know that I'm in this cycle of overanalyzing everything but I'm trying to just let thoughts come and go like my breath. Breathe in a bit of sadness because no one was waiting for me, breathe out acceptance of this time to build myself up a bit.

I got home and Jack followed me into my room. Jack is my roommates 85+ lb mastiff pitbull mix. He mostly represents a hippopotamus because he moves so slowly and stiffly. He looked at me and I told him we could hang out in the living room but not my room, I ran into the living room. Jack stiffly ran and half jumped onto the sofa and flipped himself into me and took half my arm into his mouth. He does this when he's so happy you are there that he wants to actually bite you but he's too gentle to actually cause harm. He made me feel a bit better. I went to yoga (yup, still at it daily) and settled into poses which were held for 5-8 minutes each. Something about bending over my knee made me cry. Tears trickled down my cheeks as my toes went numb and I breathed as deep as humanly possible. I kept coming back to the question of, "When will someone be waiting for me?"

My friends were waiting though after yoga. I collected them at a bar and we went to another to get burgers. We sat and talked about past jobs, current relationships and other people's love lives. It's hard to hear of unhappy relationships right now. I keep coming back to wondering if people know how lucky they are. I felt lucky every single day when I was in a relationship. It's easy to lose focus of that when you're arguing over who needs to take the trash out or if there are shoes on the floor that you tripped over or whatever else makes you annoyed with the other person.

The guy from the subway, he knew he was lucky and I think that's what pulled at my heart strings. Because no matter how lucky you are, sometimes things just don't work out. But the only thing you can do is go home, sit on the sofa with the dog, go to yoga, meet friends for burgers, go home and put yourself to bed. You need to keep going, but don't forget to remember how lucky you are. No matter what situation you find yourself in.

juicy juice

 

 So here's the thing about juices.

I've always been 100% "get that stuff away from me." I saw people "juicing" or "cleansing" and I'd roll my eyes and tell them to hit the gym if they wanted to lose some weight or what not. What I didn't realize is that a juice can be added to your normal eating habits just as an extra dose of nutrients and antioxidants. A coworker of mine inspired a trip to our local bodega-style juice bar. I tried an orange, ginger, carrot and apple juice and it was love. Most recently my roommate Mel has been mixing up a Super-C which I've listed below. The spicy, sweet taste is amazing. My new approach to juice is that it's a healthy alternative when I'm craving something sweet. Instead of reaching for a lemonade or other store brand juice, I go to the counter and order a freshly made juice. No sugar crash, no unhealthy additives. Having that I was the world's biggest jerk about the entire fad, you should give it a try. It's changed my mind, it may change yours. Enjoy.

Super-C
from Everyday Raw Detox by Meredith Baird

The combination of pineapple and orange is a mega dose of vitamin C, a powerful cold and flu fighter. Pineapple provides an additional benefit with the enzyme bromeliad which helps suppress coughs and loosen mucus. Jalapeños elevation sinus congestion and reduce sinus headaches. Everything about this juice makes it a flu fighter. Or in my option, just plain good.

Makes 1 juice serving

1 quarter fresh pineapple
1 orange
1/2 handful of cilantro
1/2 small jalapeño, seeded

love letters

When I was younger I wrote lots and lots of letters. I had moved between the third and fourth grade to a new school and area of Pennsylvania and to keep in touch with friends I wrote them. I passed notes in school and sent snail mail to anyone I could. I had tons of stationery and made my own. My first job in New York City was working for a stationery company, it was only fitting.

Most of the time I wouldn't have a stamp or would have already used all the stamps so I devised a brilliant plan of taping coins to the letter with a note for the mail person to please place a stamp on my letter. It worked every time. I was too shy to actually meet and thank them ever but it was amazing that this person would do this for me, I can't imagine that actually working now. Even today whenever there is a birthday, holiday or just for the hell of it, I write letters. If I have your address, you've probably gotten a little love letter from me here and there. I love the entire process or selecting the perfect note, addressing the envelope and filling in the card, notecard, postcard, whatever. When our inboxes are full, our mailboxes only contain bills and junk mail. Until now….

I propose a little project. Email me your name and address to suddenlylovely@gmail.com and I will send you a little love note. I know some of you personally who read this but some of you I'm sure we've never met. I'd love to know who this is reaching and where in the world you are. But even if I do know you don't shy away, shoot me an email! And don't worry, this will only be used for good and not evil. So email me and get a little something in return. Who knows, maybe we'll become our own sort of grown up pen pals.

red, red

 

I woke up and it was cold. Not chilly, cold. That cold that makes you pull the covers up to your nose and stay in bed an extra 10 minutes or so. All summer I've been sporting an au naturale look of skin brightener, black mascara and bare lips but this morning took me back to fall habits. Red, red lips.

My three favorite red shades are Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Dragon Girl, Dolce and Gabbana's Classic Cream Lipstick in #220 Devil and ck one pure color lipstick in Must Do. Something about the cooler weather makes me instantly gravitate towards everything leather and lipstick. Off to another meeting but wishing you all a very happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

to the moon + back

I try to think of myself as getting a head start on the beginnings that can be brought in with a new moon. While I spent a good amount of time in the spring and summer feeling unorganized and scatterbrained, I already am beginning to feel a bit more connected and clear minded with the subtle change of weather and time. I was sort of propelled into making choices that weren't ideal but have ended up boding well for me. In addition to my yoga practice, I cut out most sugar, all alcohol and caffeine and began to eat as clean as possible. I reintroduced caffeine back into my diet after two weeks because I simply love coffee - the smell, the taste, the whole experience of mixing milk, sugar and coffee together but I've stuck pretty closely to the others. It wasn't about weight or health but more about giving myself a completely clean slate and not heighten any of the feelings or experiences that I was going through. A bit of detox.

Through a bit of internet research and yoga chatter I've found that this new moon will affect those with signs of gemini, virgo, sagittarius and pisces the most (pisces here!). It's a perfect time to begin new projects and really focus on the details of ourselves in a positive way. Unlike the spring and summer, one should be able to clearly tick off their checklist and feel like they are moving forward rather than doggy paddling water in one spot.

Whether you are interested in astrology or not, the change of the pace and season is a perfect time to make a little time for yourself. Do something nice for yourself if you can today or this week. Cook yourself a nice meal or spend some time pampering yourself with a massage or manicure. We all spend a lot of time doing for others but sometimes you should do for yourself.

just kids

My roommate has two children. The oldest is 8, the youngest just turned 6. They were at the apartment yesterday when I arrived home. All limbs, hair and smiles. Little bird hugs and back to making paper robots. Their energy and stone cold honesty is infectious. I love when the oldest is brutally honest without even knowing that her words ring insanely true even at such a young age. The youngest stuck a piece of paper on his forehead with an eyeball drawn on.

"Look I have three eyes!"
I turned to my other roommate, "We've been working on that for how long? (We both just got home from yoga) And look, Issac already knows exactly where his third eye is."

They tumbled onto my bed not wanting to get into their own. Matching pajama sets that I must admit I was a bit jealous of. Screaming bloody murder and rolling around laughing not wanting to go to sleep just yet. Tickles work wonders and so do carrying them upside down to their bed. Goodnights and see you soon's, they leave this afternoon to go back to their mums.

It made my night. It reminded me of flying down the hill with my sister and two cousins at my grandparents house when we were little. We were Indians, we were princesses and queens. We were whatever we wanted to be dressed in vintage scarves and dresses tied up with hair bands and pins. Mommom would take us to the candy store down the street. Bags of sugar gummy candies for us and cigarettes for her. I learned to drive at age 6. I sat on her lap and drove down the street and down the driveway. She taught me again at age 16. There were swings underneath their tall deck. I always hated the concrete feel on my bare feet. We'd leap from the peak of a swing into the grass. Our hands would smell like lighting bugs, our hair like grass and woods. The weeping willow tree served as a guest home. I used to walk down the street to sit with the neighbors horses, daring myself to slip onto their backs every day. I never did. I'm glad I waited until my own mum taught me to ride. All four of us rode our ponies. All four of us playing endless hours of whatever we could dream up.

The kids last night reminded me of my own loving family. We're all well into our adult lives and carving out our own places in the world. Watching those two last night made me realize that even though we're all getting older, we should never stop playing and creating.