be a body

 Our bodies betray us.

We get sick, hurt, ache and tremor. Are our bodies a reflection of our minds or are they an individual entity which can only be helped and pushed in a way that may or may not stand the test of time?

I have always thought of my body as a reflection of my emotional self. I feel strongest mind and body when I'm physically fit. I'm strong in body, I'm strong in mind. I tear into my body in an attempt to break it down and build it back up. I've always been athletic and set tests for myself that were both strenuous and exhausting. I used to fly through the air in cheerleading and gymnastics. I would ask my lungs to expand to great capacity by running until my legs gave out from underneath me. I twist and bend and challenge my limbs to hold me steady and still as I change poses in yoga. But when my body betrays me, my mind usually follows.

There are things that are out of our control. Neck aches that steam from stress, broken bones due to accidents, pins and needles in joints and headaches that pulse to great extremes. I have to trust my body to take me to the place I need to go but what if it cannot?

I work on my body as if it were a machine. Certain parts need replaced or fixed up - dents and nicks worked out of its exterior, a new valve, whatever. The part that is at the center, my engine, my heart always needs the most work. 

For over a year now I've been very quiet when the yoga teacher asks if there are any requests in class. Now I can clearly identify that I need constant attention to my heart. I ask for chest openers. I trust that my body will hold me, I question my heart. Because when my heart fails me, my body follows. Just as an engine fails, the rest of the machine cannot complete it's task. I'm understanding that working on my exterior is actually making my interior stronger.

the weight of getting older

So here's the thing about turning 27. You turn the corner on being able to eat whatever the hell you want. I'm telling you now so that when you get here, you know it ahead of time. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to make it to 28 or unlucky enough that 26 is when it happens but for me, it is 27.

I've always considered myself an active person. I run, lift weights, spin and even did boxing for about a year. Suddenly though out of no where I gained about 8 pounds and no matter how much I do or don't eat, no matter how hard I run myself into the ground, that scale will not move. 

So I tried "dieting." Quotes because I'm not a person who can diet or further more wants to. I hate being the person that eats salad while everyone else enjoys pasta. I don't like saying no to candy and I really hate not being able to visit my favorite bakery on 23rd street. So my diet was this; replace lunch with a green juice, drink more water, no more candy or bakery goods and no butter. Simple right? Sort of… except, nothing changed. Except my attitude which was annoyed and aggravated because all I could think about was rose macarons. So what do you do?

You stop looking at the scale. 

I run. I run really freaking hard and long on some days. I bike. I have a nifty single speed bike that means I can't cheat on hills with gears. I lift weights and jump around like a nut. I think you can classify this as CrossFit. I twist and bend in yoga. And I have stopped looking at the scale. After 5 days straight at the gym some weeks I feel like a brand new woman and what can ruin that moment isn't a cookie but that damn number.

But my jeans still fit the same and I still trot around in a bikini of vacation so at the end of the day, do those +8 pounds matter? Sometimes. Sometimes they bug me and make me select the non-fat yogurt rather than the 2%. But most of the time, they don't. Because I can eat macaroons with the understanding that I'm going to ride my bike a bit harder that day. That's okay with me. Because of all the vices I could have, +8 pounds isn't so bad.

down by the bay

…and by bay I mean the Hudson. The first time I ever biked in the city was in San Francisco this past March. I always see people zipping around in Manhattan, bicyclists yelling at cabs and pedestrians alike for being in their way. It all seemed way too intense for me. However the San Francisco biking adventure made me a bit more brave and this past weekend I rented a bike from a small shop on the Upper West Side and took to the streets.

Eddie's Bicycles is conveniently located 2 blocks from my apartment. Even more convenient, Riverside Park with its vast bike highway (bike lane) is just 2 avenues over. Since I usually am on foot when I take to the park, biking was a really nice change. The breeze from the water and the ease of coasting along was really relaxing and fun. I've been spinning at the gym lately to give my ankles a rest from beating the pavement so I didn't feel completely inapt to the other bicyclists. I was amazed at how nice the bike lanes were and also how rude and mean the pedestrians acted. I get the yelling now and the ringing of the bike bells! Either way I'll be trying out biking a few more times to see if a bike is something I'd like to invest in. It would be a nice change to running or walking. Also the lure of a basket full of groceries for a picnic is a daydream worth living.

let's get high

Have you ever taken a drive and arrived at your destination without knowing how you got there? You try to remember the last few minutes, if you stopped at all the stop signs, if you ran any red lights, if you were speeding, but nothing registers. Your mind was obviously somewhere else. This is why I run.

I began running when I graduated. Half because I wanted to explore some of the city I was living in and half because I didn't want to pay the high costs of a gym membership. What I discovered was I had a similar phenomena of arriving at a destination without fully being aware of how I had gotten there. The run always begins the same way. The first 5-7 minutes are a physical and emotional battle. A laundry list of things I need to do, people I need to call back, work that I still need to finish rip though me. My muscles are cold and my ankles ache. I skip every song on my ipod. From minute 7-12 I start to find my step. I find myself listening to my breathing, becoming aware of the way my foot hits the pavement. After minute 12 until the point where I find myself at the end of my playlist, at the finish line of my run, I am completely blank. The easiest way for me to explain the feeling is when you wake up from a realistic dream and you can remember everything yet nothing about it. It resonates as good or bad but then nothing. Your memory escapes and you are just left with a feeling.

My feeling is best described as light. I called bullshit on the rumored "runners high" until I realized, that's exactly what my body and mind does when I set in my pace and breathing. The downfall is that my body is unable to register when I've pushed myself too far. I end my run without feeling tired or sore and head back home to stretch and relax. 30 minutes later I'm singing a different tune. I realize that I've worn blisters into my feet, my hips feel like they've been cracked in half and I'm so thirsty that it feels like I might drown with all the water I drink. There is a still a debate about the truth of a runners high. Why some experience it and some do not and which environments, measures of time, speed and overall health promote it. Luckily unlike my previous example of driving a car without remembering if you stopped at a red light, running doesn't put anyone else in danger. I can float along for 50 or so minutes left with a blissful feeling of lightness.

country chic

Two of my favorite things are in this photo, a gray horse & a chandelier. Safe to say that if I were still riding I'd be bugging my father to hang one in the barn. I've been an equestrian for going on 14 years now. My mother introduced me to the sport and a mere month later I had my first pony. She looked much like the pony in this photo. She was a DuPont pony who had more fire in here than I knew at the time. She always took good care of me though, only dumping me off a handful of times, never too hard. Although that's easy to say now with all the bumps and bruises healed. From her it was a spiral of horses; Libby (Thoroughbred), Digger (Quarter horse), Michael (Thoroughbred although he looked more like an Appendix) and for a few months there was Groovy (Thoroughbred) who was a random Christmas gift from my mom. I think back and growing up in the middle of horse country I thought it was pretty normal to have the luxury of riding my own horse whenever I wanted. Now I understand how lucky I was to have, and still have, this experience at my fingertips. With the weather as terrible as it is right now, I'm looking forward to the spring and trips back to Pennsylvania to ride.

you spin me right round

I want to go to the gym and leave completely wiped out, but in a good way. That sense of accomplishment and letting everything go from the day. While running around in +6" heels may have seemed like a workout to me at first, I came to the conclusion that I needed to do more to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. So I joined a gym, Club H Fitness to be exact and started taking spin. What I got in return is a new favorite way to work out full of dance music, crazy pumped up instructors and 45-55 minutes of complete and utter muscle hell. If you haven't tried spin yet, let me tell you that it can change your body faster than you can imagine. It's not just about your legs, but rather your entire core, arms and mind. I've learned to breathe more evenly to due to the flux in resistance that is put on your bike throughout the class. If you are looking to spice up your workout, give it a try. I highly suggest Robert's class on Tuesday at 7 pm or Jen La's class on Saturday at 9:45 am. These are both at the Hoboken Location.

http://tiny.cc/spin_schedule