subway soiree

I am standing on the platform at 23rd street eating a rose macaron, my favorite flavor from my most adored cafe. Whenever I have something to celebrate, I turn to this particular rose macaron. I find myself visiting this cafe quite often, dedicating a macaron to relationship milestones, personal achievements such as making a new friend or even bad days, the irony of honoring the survival of a particularly hellish 12 hours. 

I finish my macaron and shift my bag from one shoulder to the next, careful not to crush the neat stack of papers that signify a new professional beginning. The bottle of champagne, a gift from a colleague, was not intended for this particular celebration but just maybe. It’s cold enough that I can see my breath but not cold enough to make me want to hibernate. However, It’s hard to tell when my body is pulsing with equal parts of excitement and fear. 

The news is sacred and precious to me in this moment. I am doing normal New York things but I feel anything but normal. I look around at others standing with me on the platform thinking somehow they know what’s in my bag and understand that I’ve just been handed a fresh start and a new aspiration. The train pulls into the station and I step into my car wishing for one more rose macaron but quickly reminding myself not to overdo it, not to jinx my ambitious undertaking.

perfumed dreams

I write about almost everything here, recipes, relationships, random stuff that flows through my mind but what I never write about is work. Sort of odd having that I spend hours upon hours doing what I do each day. 2 years ago I took on a new job working in the beauty industry as a packaging designer. Everyday since then, I've felt like the luckiest girl on the planet. Yes, sometimes I'm stressed to teeth-grinding capacity but through it all I can honestly say I've found my place as a designer.

I spent two years on ck one Calvin Klein fragrances and color cosmetics. I had to start from scratch. For the three years prior my expertise was in the beauty of paper and printing. Truth be told, I had only a slight idea of what was going on for a good amount of time. I felt like I was floating and bobbing to and fro meetings, where projects moved along quickly and projects were planned 2 years out. 2 whole years.

Then, something even more amazing happened. I discovered Alexander Wang. Suddenly fashion made sense to me. I understood the moment I stepped into my first piece, this was exactly what fashion and beauty meant to me. Alexander Wang was appointed the creative director of Balenciaga in Fall of 2012. The house moved to New York from Paris and the fragrance contract followed. Cue whispers around the office for a new team being built. Enter me, stage left, asking my creative directors to be nominated for the role.

Two years ago I would have never taken this step. Going to both creative directors and explaining how honored I'd be to even be considered for the position took confidence that I found working for 2 years under the ck one Calvin Klein brand. I am a product of hard work, long hours and an art director who let me sink and swim and find my own way.

The goal, with every design that I touch is that it makes someone feel beautiful and good about themselves. That the scent should trigger a moment in time where they were over the moon. That the packaging is something to cherish, something to keep on their dresser rather than in the drawer. I'm honored to have many wonderful mentors here at work who constantly push my boundaries and invite me to go beyond what feels safe and neutral. To be innovative and honest.

I cannot wait to share the new designs with you for Balenciaga fragrances in the future. They all come from a place of love. Love born out of coming to work everyday and being excited to get started. And with that, here I go.

Illustration, my own.

paper makes perfect

I collect things. One of those things is paper, more specifically notebooks. I buy them and then wait for the perfect project to fill the pages. Finding the perfect notebook for a project is like having a constant good luck charm with me. It sets the tone for what is to come. I am convinced that scribbling notes on a shitty notepad will make for a shitty outcome. This is also why I obsess over handwriting but that's another post, another therapy session all together. Currently I am coveting two items. The Kate Spade sister journal to my spade journal and the ridiculously priced Hermès coloring book. It's like the grown-up child in me is screaming to have this. I have $100 dollars on the fact that if I do end up with it, I'll never even color in the pages.

anonymous design

When I was younger and still living with my parents I always thought in situations that didn't please me, "I will remember this for my own kids, I will never do that to them." Even then I knew I was being dramatic and usually I was able to see the point they were trying to make. Now that I'm at the old age of 25 I'm thinking about that situation in a different light. I'm talking about a situation that I bet 99% of designers face. The "when I'm an art director/creative director I will never do that to my designers/team" situation.

Have you ever had one of your bosses/managers/directors do something or say something that either made you want to fall to the floor in tears in frustration or hurl a desk across the room in anger? It's not criticism I'm talking about. I'm talking about owning your work and getting credit where credit is due. Let me set the scene for you.

It's understood that when you work for a brand that you will not be able to sign your work like a painter or sculptor would. You acknowledge that you work for Company X and that Company X will (hopefully) get praised for the project you slaved and obsessed over. Your name will not appear at the end of the commercial, at the bottom poster, on the lower right hand corner of the box. But throughout the company and to those in the industry, you will shine. How naive for a young designer like myself to think. I never realized how hurtful taking credit for the work of others could be until I had been in both situations.

As I stood in front of my concepts and designs this week in front of first my art director, then my senior director, then my marketing director and still more directors and presidents to follow I realized something. Those "fall to the floor in tears" situations swing both ways. Both when someone takes complete credit for the designs you've created and when someone 2, 3 or 4 levels above you looks you straight in the eye and says, "Wow. Wonderful. These are great." They pull others over, they talk about you in other meetings, they are happy that you are there to be a part of their team. Learning from now both situations I am putting this in the back of my head for when I reach my own design dream job as an art director one day.

Give credit to where credit is do. Celebrate those who did the work. Acknowledge their work. You have no idea how beat down you can get when the opposite happens.

I left work and cried. Out of relief. Out of complete happiness. The moment where my art director pointed to me when her boss asked who had worked on the concept. You have no idea how grateful I was for that moment. Those moments make me want to push forward even harder, to really shine even brighter next time. You could have hated it all but the fact that you said it was my work went above and beyond. Thank you.

moving on, moving out

In March of 2007 I arrived in New York City for my interview with a company called Ceci New York. One summer internship and three years later, I find myself saying goodbye to my first design job and all the people who I've grown so close to. The photo above was taken by my mom moments before that first interview for my summer internship. You can clearly see my nerves as I clutch my ice tea and barely smile. I remember being on such a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement, curiosity, nervousness but most of all, pure terror. What if they laughed at my work? What if they told me to get out and never come back? The "they" turned out to be Senior Designer Drew Brockington and Founder/Creative Director Ceci Johnson. They did neither such thing. They carefully went through my portfolio, asked me about my background, my interests and took me through the Ceci New York design process in-brief. I came back as a full-time designer July 2008 after my college graduation. I've been able to work on projects from comedian Lisa Lampanelli's wedding invitation (who is a really, really sweet woman contrary to belief), Australian online shopping brand BlackRag and was even in a CeciStyle shoot as an extra (that's me on the left with the one shoulder pink dress).

The last day has been bittersweet so far. Being both sad to go and excited to begin something new has left me in limbo for the past two weeks. I do think as a creative person it's time to throw myself into something completely different and new. It will challenge everything I've known for the past few years and make me flip, reinvent and change the way I design. I still feel much like the person in the photograph being on the verge of fainting as I finish up my last day. But here's to change, something fresh and new and a great big thank you and I love you to everyone here at Ceci New York.

collector's edition

How do you note your life? Do you scrapbook, keep a journal or take tons of photos? I am a collector. I wish I had time for a scrapbook, the patience and eye for photography and while I do keep a journal, it's full of writing but lacks visuals. Open my bedside table and you will find several small boxes. These boxes contain various clips from places and moments. Rather than getting caught up in how to perfectly display vacations, weekend events and everyday treasures, these small boxes allow me to easily keep things that I love in one place. Below is an example of what you might find if you spy into these small boxes which are adornments in themselves;

Boxes - perfume, jewelry and candy. Part of being a designer is being in awe of perfect printing techniques and new and different constructions of various containers. Even these boxes were selected carefully to keep my items safe.

Tickets - movie, train, plane, social event, sporting event, museum, etc. Events that shaped moments and memories special and unforgettable to me. Looking at these make me remember those past places, events and people I shared them with.

Perfume Slips - papers, tabs, stems and ribbons. I've always been obsessed with smells which trigger memories for me so easily.

Notes - friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, family and strangers: Things to remind myself how wonderful the people in my life are, present and past.

Tags - clothing, ribbon and gift certificates. Again a design obsession with printing, packing and branding.

Mini Perfume Bottles - I don't have nearly enough of these but I do love them.

Et Cetera - Matchbooks, business cards, specialty papers, fortune cookie slips, stickers, magazine clips of wanted wardrobe items or hair and makeup how-to's and random 3D objects such as a worry doll, animals, buttons and beads.

Maybe you have one of these boxes too. Some of your might refer to this as your "junk drawer" but mine's a bit to organized and contained to be labeled as such. Ideally I'd like to transfer all of these items into a vintage trunk to be kept in my home. But without the trunk or space currently, these boxes will have to do.

white out

Finding a balance between white space and information is a daily design problem that needs solving. A recent project involved putting together a look book for a new fashion brand out of New York. The photography is beautiful, the models are exotic and stunning and the clothing is detailed and tailored to a 'T'. The only problem is the communication and explanation of why white space is necessary and vital for the line to speak clearly to the viewer. Pulling the viewers eye back and forth, across and up, and back again to the center. I've learned that explaining white space to a non design mind is like teaching Portuguese to a three year old. So what to do; sacrifice the book and my design knowledge or try to politely explain that I know what I'm doing, again. I wouldn't climb across an accountant's desk and try to tell them how to do their job. So please, don't climb across mine via email. Trust me, I won't let you down.

this is the life

One always cuts into another, sometimes they blend and sometimes they are like water and oil. I've met some of my very best friends through design. I can say that about 85% of my friends are indeed, designers themselves. It's an odd bond over late nights, creative director swap stories, design nightmares and (hopeful) successes. But when does it because too mixed? When do you but your foot down and say, enough. Sleep for 17 hours straight, fill up on food (because heaven knows you don't get a lunch break) and finally see your friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/lover because you've been pulling 15 hour days and you haven't seen the light of day in 3 weeks straight. Is that part of this creative lifestyle? Did I ask for this when I applied to graphic design in college? Does one happy client equal relief from seven who have the "only child syndrome"? Is this why designers burn out at a mere 35 years old? All of these questions swim around in my head this morning as I get in at 6AM only to work another 15 hour day without the hope of relief, food, sleep or a social life for the next three days straight. But at least I'll have a rocking portfolio, right?….

L&L

I've been working like a mad woman lately and feel like I have been living at the office. The only things that keep me going are that 80% of my clients are awesome and that when things come back from print I get to gush my little heart out. I stop from time to time to pull inspiration to keep for those moments where my brain freezes up and I need visual stimulation to reboot. Today is lingerie and Luxe's city guides. I really dig this girls hair and her awkward stance. The Luxe books are so simply designed but so eye catching and iconic. {heart}

and we won't stop, cuz we can't stop

My love for hip hop music now has an outlet. Visit the new tumblr for music, video, articles and photo updates. Along with fellow Penn State design alum, Amanda Kloos and Thomas Wilder, we'll try to bring you the latest and greatest daily. xx

a diamond, a dozen

Brilliant and beautiful. I currently use a silverware caddy in my drawer as a jewelry divider but this one is so much more fun. This way everything won't slide all the way to the back when pull the drawer open. Another way to organize without adding bulk to the top of my already full dresser.

wash me away

If you know me as a designer, you know that I love watercolor washes. I can sit for days bleeding colors into one another. It's the imperfection, texture and transparency that I absolutely can't get enough of. While working on some washes for a client yesterday, I went home to search for some long lost swipes of color. I found a zillion but there was something about this little piece that I really loved. What a perfect shade of blue, especially that little bright spot on the middle left hand side. Straight to my heart.

it's black, it's white

Seems like the theme of the week is black and white. Every photo I am drawn too, every illustration, my own wardrobe, everything - black and white. I find this humorous because if you know me personally I'm much more of a bright pink (sassy pink as some of you know) type of person. I think it may have something to do with the snow lately. Everything looks so stark and clean. I love waking up early to see the perfectly covered rooftops and balconies out my window. Above are three pieces that I pulled today which back me up. I really want a dress like that; so simple and so beautifully cut in the back. Wishing everyone safe travels home this Wednesday evening. xx

shades of white

While my illustrator saves a project I thought I'd pop over for a Friday hello. It's been snowing all day here in NYC leaving the city pretty, quiet and very movie-esque. Above is a mood board for the day. Too cold to wear something like this but it reminds me of what snow looks like when it falls; shading everything white but still being transparent rather than opaque. Have a wonderful weekend. xo

table for one

So that chair from yesterday? This is its match made in heaven. I first set my eyes on the mirrored vanity in Carrie Bradshaw's apartment in sex and the city. I would like to add one to my bedroom as a vanity/desk. I think my mac and the shabby chic chair are perfect accessories to this beauty. It's going to be hell to keep clean but I'm up for the challenge. I think it'd really open up the space and to defend my purchase, it doubles as a mirror to check out my outfit about shoes to high thigh. So useful, ha!

have a seat

The search for the perfect skeleton of a Louis XV chair is on. This is the first of many design goals I'm setting for the year. The top 4 photos are fabric pulls which I'd love to use as inspiration for what I will recover my chair with. The problem is, which each inspiration piece I find, the more excited I get and the less I am able to focus in on what I want the final result to be. Do I want it very bright? Do I want velvet? Do I want a pattern vs. a solid and do I illustrate my own fabric? So many decisions but I'm so excited to get started. The first step is to find the perfect skeleton. I'm open to the shape and whether or not the chair has arms or not. I'm obsessed with making my own custom design. Whether it be artwork, pillows or painting a desk, I just want it to be a one-of-a-kind masterpiece. I'll be hitting some flea markets while I'm in PA this holiday season, and thank goodness, able to use a car to haul myself and my finds around rather than the subway. If you know of anyone getting rid of a similar chair, PLEASE let me know!

on the hunt

They say you're always searching for a boyfriend, a job or an apartment in Manhattan. I'm newly single but fine with that and all set on the job front but the third… I'm not sure. Apartment shopping in the big apple is absolute hell if I may say so. Full of sketchy landlords, pushy brokers, weirdo neighbors and the fear of bedbugs make the whole experience stressful and annoying. Not to mention, I have extremely high standards when it comes to where I live. I want a place which I won't mind investing my own time and money into to make it beautiful. But I don't want to do this crammed in a 'two bedroom' (which most of the time means one bedroom which an office or mudroom) on the upper 'whatever' side. I currently reside in Hoboken, NJ which, while I know there are some judgements because it's Jersey, I really do love. The people are young professionals all hailing from college not ready to grow up yet. Sunday means 'Sunday Funday' full of football, boozy brunch and the green beach. And every ma and pop shop is full of crazy Italian men who call you 'bella' and wave hello when you walk past because they never forget your face. So do I take the plunge and move or do I stay? I dream of the day where I can just have my own little house where I am free to decorate and redecorate to my own liking without the neighbors child upstairs running rampant at 6 am or with the smoke from next door seeping into my vents. What to do, what to do.

heart of the matter

I'm most definitely the pink symbolic heart on the right. More so now than ever that I recently became a single rather than part of a pair. It's been a while since I've been single and it seemed scary at first but after diving in and getting out there to meet some new people and reconnecting with old friends, I'm leaning to enjoy it. I forgot how far a smile goes, how fun getting ready is when you aren't sure who you might run into and the giddiness of someone new holding your hand to lead you to the dance floor. I've realized I have much more 'me' time which came at a really good point in my life. Hopefully a good amount of that time will be contributed to this blog. So I propose a toast, to all of you who are single and fabulous out there (and not single and fabulous? via sex and the city 1999).

A disclaimer: My relationship ended due to a mutual agreement and while I can't control who reads this blog I can control my opinion publicly on this post. The break was private and personal and this is by no means a call out to the wild and single me but rather a note to a newer, brighter, single gal that I am becoming. I was in love but it happens, people change, atmospheres change, and things happen; sometimes for the better.

picture perfect

Shopping with a purpose? Say it isn't so. Here's the real reason I'm posting this photo, I obsessively keep shopping bags with exquisite printing, fabulous design and unique paper. The problem is, they sit in my closet and collect dust. But when I came across this little ditty, my heart bloomed. I wish I had a great walk in closet to where I could frame all my goodies and set them on display. Sigh, one day!

anything you can do, i can do better

I see it in magazines and on the street. I do it in my apartment but always chicken out last minute. I'm talking about shorts with tights! I love the look on everyone else but never thought I could pull it off myself. Today is a new day and I was feeling quite adventurous while getting dressed this morning. After a quick phone google of 'shorts with tights' I found my inspiration, threw together an ensemble and out the door I went. Olivia Palermo twist back hair to polish off the look! Happy Thursday. I'll try to follow up with a photo of my own outfit! :)